Friday, September 10, 2004
new website is up now...
so i suggest you go there instead, haha
http://s87459559.onlinehome.us
Friday, August 20, 2004
hey all. rock bonky.
so...wow, it's been a LOOOONG time. almost...TOO long. so i'm finally at home now, enjoying my week of summer. bleh. i really don't want to go back to school. i think the only thing that's really good about it is that i get to experience living in a new place and i'm closer to nikki...although i won't have a car.
speaking of the car...i've been crazy involved with it, as usual, i s'pose. i'll have to snap some pic-a-tures later. but yeah, i've gone to a couple meets, mostly for old school (E30, E34) bmw guys, which were simply awesome. it was good to meet/see those guys again...definitely been awhile. made me really appreciate the car that i drive and how far it has come. my only obstacle now is just to pass emissions and then i'm good to go. maybe i've finally found the problem, maybe not. i've been really disappointed with fall line motorsports though (they did my exhaust/hi-flow racing cats/custom piping last year). i took my car there intially because i needed new cats, and ended up going with a full exhaust system, which is fine. what bugs me is that the readings got WORSE after...and they were being huge dicks about helping me with the situation. apparently they don't know how to run a business, despite how good their work is. lost customer for life. oh well, just a greater reason to do more and more myself. now who actually gave a shit about what i just said? hmm...onwards!
what i did when nikki was on her cruise...
WELL...needless to say, i had to keep myself busy so i wouldn't miss her more than i already did. i went into major car overload for one. (i.e. i detailed the hell out of it at my friend brandon's place...from 8pm to 6:30am). after the E34 summer meet i went back to the city to chill...ended up going out with brandon, his gf steph, harold (brandon's bro), and a bunch of other people i just met that night...to transit. apparently they were having their four year anniversary party, so it was pretty cool. first time really at a club in the city. really really fun, but expensive. i guess i'm just used to the college prices. but yeah...ended up crashing at harold's place...which i want 'cause it's an awesome apartment right by the lake, FYI...then headed down to U of I to continue packing up my stuff from PT. sad. i'm really going to miss that place. after a couple trips (no, not all in the same day) i finally got everything. fhew. the last time was pretty cool. mark and i drove down there and did the whole moving thing...but then we met up with gabe and went to cowboy monkey, which was awesome. i seriously felt like i wasn't in champaign anymore when i was there. totally different atmosphere...in a good way. now i just need to learn how to salsa dance, haha. wednesday nights! but besides that, i had a good opportunity to talk business with mark. hopefully all works out and we become successful bastards later in life. afterwards, we chilled w/some of gabe's friends...one of them actually was in my cognitive class over the summer. wish i had talked to him in class 'cause he's hilarious, lol. anyway, we attempted to head back around 4:30 in the morning...with me driving. yeah, so i didn't want to crash...and i think i was hallucinating from being so tired. SO...being responsible and all, we pulled into a rest stop...where we proceeded to take a "30 minute nap". which turned into waking up at 9:30 in the morning. civics are very uncomfortable to sleep in when you can't recline the seats. i don't recommend it. i was all fetal-ed up with my head on the armrest most of the time. i think my back STILL hurts from that. but all is well.
oh, the wonderous journey to elgin with adam was an experience. so i had to go to the DMV to get a 7-day pass thing...but the drive on the way there was priceless. so at first, we go over to the emissions station to find out we have to go to the DMV. then, we miss the turn to go to the DMV...so naturally we try and take the next right to turn around. turns out to be a highway. awesome. so we take the nearest exit...drive around aimlessly...then out of the blue there's a cop behind us. bam! we get pulled over. the funny thing is, we were both like oh good...now we can ask for directions. so the cop is like, "yeah, just go make a right here at the stop sign...then go over the railroad tracks...pass the crazy people house...and then it should be on your right side". allllllright. so all in all, we were back on our way with just a warning. yee haw! so i'm finally at the DMV where i had the opportunity to observe some really fucked up people...i mean...interesting. the wait wasn't TOO bad...45 minutes of observation while adam slept in the car...but being there made me appreciate living in palatine so much more. i'm a bastard. so after that whole fiasco, we hit up burger king...where they played the most obnoxious music i've ever heard. i felt like i was watching kids incorporated or some PBS kid show equivalent. ugh. and both of us combined prolly had six hours of sleep from the night before, so peppy children's music is pretty much the last thing i wanted to hear. old mcdonald for Christ's sake. c'mon. nobody wants to eat burgers with that. not even kids. or old mcdonald. he has a farm...with all the normal farm animals. i think he KNOWS what sound they make. i mean, he only has to interact with them EVERYDAY. i think if he goes to burger king he'd want to hear some p diddy or something. he goes there for a RELEASE from farm life. not to be reminded of it. scene.
anyway, adam and i spent some time outside throwing a football around before our healthy dose of napolean dynamite, which is definitely something new. and exciting. the movie was hilarious. and so were our football skills. for those of you who haven't seen it, see it 'cause you'll laugh. ha! just like that, but with a bunch of them in a row. speaking of movies...
i went to see harold and kumar opening night with mark and bridget. all i have to say is: bwhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahha. and that's it. well...and the fact that it was one of the funniest movies i've seen in awhile. so apparently the consenus is that i'm kumar. kuuuuuuumar. why? (now is where i'm going to spoil the movie for those of you who haven't seen it, so if you haven't skip the rest of this paragraph and see the movie. then come back and read.) well...apparently i'm the smart one that doesn't apply himself...my dad is a doctor who wanted me to be one too. i went along w/it for a while...then switched my major...all the while SAYING i was going pre-med still. yeah. but i don't do drugs...nor "groom myself" in my roommates mirror. just 'cause it wouldn't be right if we didn't, mark and i went to white castle after. and seriously...everyone there was really friendly. especially 'cause half the people there just saw the movie. but really, it seemed like everyone was saying hi to each other. wendys can't beat that. white castle for life. btw roldy, we must still watch the exorcist...since i do have it here now, ahem.
oh, i bought a BOOK. i was looking for this idiot's guide to investing for people in their 20s and 30s, but they didn't have it. i ended up getting this 'breaking designer's block' book though. tons of great ideas. makes me want to make websites over and over again. or scrapbooks. woo hoo.
speaking of buying things...i treated myself to some clothing...and received some. got more guess-ed out...bought some jeans, got 2 new shirts, and my baby got me a really nice black dress watch for our six month anniversary. woot! thanks baby! so now i have two cool guess watch boxes...and two cool guess watches, haha. plus, since it's been a bit colder than normal, i got to wear my express jacket for the first time. lovin' it, lovin' it. finally got a white belt...and a red one as a matter of fact...to go with my new RED puma shoes. dang. then i got some new steve maddens 'cause they looked cool too. i want more.
ooh. i went to a concert at the metro with arden the other week to see some of her friends from minnesota play. they were AMAZING. check them out here: dropping daylight. it was actually really inspiring...made me want to play guitar and write songs all day. woo shoo. woo shoo? okay...
so i went with mark to go help him find a digital camera...which turned into a two hour fiasco...but all in all, he got a camera that was awesome. and better than mine. fawk you. j/k. but afterwards, we hit up some old country buffet...woot. it was weird though...i was talking about missing nikki...(she didn't have reception up der so we couldn't talk) when "a thousand miles" came on...which is her ringtone. then later on, she calls me! whoa. happy times! woot. woot.
but yeah, so finally when her flight got in, i went to go pick her up from the airport and went back to my place. yay! she ended up staying for a couple days actually, which was amazing. we finally put ga flowers i got her in a vase...damn, i never knew what a difference that makes...plus that 'flower food'. those thangs were bloomin'. we ended up watching a lil' emperor's new groove (hilarious...llama faaaace) and i busted out pasta that i hadn't made in a LONG time. all in all, it was faaaanshmastic. i didn't want to bring her home, haha.
more mushy stuff...
yesterday was our six month anniversary...woot! we ended up going to geja's cafe for dinner, which was awesome...and then we headed over to buckingham fountain, since nikki hadn't been there at night before. she gave me a "mock gift" at first...some candy, waterguns, HUGE cards, etc. etc. that i guess she didn't expect me to like so much...but it was AWESOME, haha. i like cool stuff like that. but in actuality, she got me that black guess watch i was talking about earlier, haha. after all of that, we just cruised back to my place and chilled til, sadly, i had to drop her off at home again. poo.
that basically catches you all up on what's been going on...now it's time to rant. very...briefly.
okay, you know that show the assistant? that tanika girl is such a bitch. seriously, like whenever someone is eliminated, she's got this attitude like oh GOOD. ho. anyway. so i watched my first episode of queer eye for the straight guy w/nikki the other day...and i must say, it's an awesome show. i want them to do up my apartment when i finally move out to the city...damn. oh. and i got a haircut. and i hate it. i'd have to say, i'm getting really sick of short hair. at least THIS short. i'm just glad my hair grows fast. see...and long hair is so much more economical. i save so much more money if it's longer. granted, it may not be as long as it was before i got it cut, or maybe it will, but it'll definitely not be this short as hell bullchit. who knows, maybe it was just 'cause the ho didn't know how to cut hair, or maybe i just don't like it short. regardless, i'm done blogging finally. fhew. oh btw...yellow styrofoam plates has been updated...somewhat, haha.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
artist: Notorious B.I.G.
album: Ready to Die
song: One more chance (remix)
lyrics: First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan' But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation Garbage, I turn like doorknobs Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever However, I stay coochied down to the socks Rings and watch filled with rocks
TRANSLATION: As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.
lyrics: And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee As I lay down laws like I lay carpet Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit >
TRANSLATION: I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable.
lyrics: Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin
TRANSLATION: Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons. I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts. Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia. I'm having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me. I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you.
lyrics: First I talk about how I dress and this And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses The sex is just immaculate from the back I get Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the Climax that your man can't make Call and tell him you'll be home real late Let's sing the break
TRANSLATION: I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He needn't be concerned about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you won't be home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me also.
lyrics: She's sick of that song on how it's so long Thought he worked his until I handled my biz There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round me True player for real, ask Puff Daddy
TRANSLATION: Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications about the length of your member. After I had sexual intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed; violently and immorally. It would be in your best interest to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.
lyrics: You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell She beeped me, meet me at twelve
TRANSLATION: Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight.
lyrics: Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes? While I'm swimmin' in ya women like the breast stroke Right stroke, left stroke what's the best stroke Death stroke - tongue all down her throat Nuthin' left to do but send her home to you I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?
TRANSLATION: You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman. Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd osculatory acts with your women. My only remaining option is to request that she leave my home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have a need for her presence.
lyrics: So, what's it gonna be? Him or me? We can cruise the world with pearls Gator boots for girls The envy of all women, crushed linen Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em The finest women I love with a passion Ya man's a wimp, I give that *** a good thrashin'
TRANSLATION: The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will dress you in the finest jewelry and footwear. You will be envied by women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelry. There is a special place in my heart for beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is effeminate.
lyrics: High fashion - flyin' into all states. Sexin' me while your man masturbates. Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight. Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds. Lyrically I'm supposed to represent. I'm not only the client, I'm the player president
TRANSLATION: You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris. I will fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelry. You will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself through manual stimulation. What a life! I'll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock flight. The timing is perfect because I have scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock. I'll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap well and I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not only am I a sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on the board of directors of the organization that governs others of my kind.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
jigga wut. catching up.
let's see... i've been spending a lot of time with my baby. which makes me happy. the first section is when she visited u of i last week before the retreat. there was a crazy storm with tornado warnings and flash flood warnings and pieces of trees and my building falling off. omg and the wind opened my window and soaked ALL my computer stuff! i was so upset. i had to let all this shit in my room dry off. and at first i didn't think she'd come. but she did! when she got here, i forgot to tell her that there wasn't any power and that she had to walk up the stairs. 21 flights. it sucks not having power. no lights, no ac, no running water, no bathroom. we had to eat so much food before it went bad in the unworking fridge. i've never gone that long without power. we decided to stay at bons for the evening, and thank god because we found out there wasn't going to be power until noon the next day! went to wine night, cept it was closed cause of the power outage. so we ended up going to station. good times good times. it kinda felt like our first meeting because we were sitting at a corner table kinda joking around by ourselves.
so then wednesday i decided to drive home because i didnt have class on thursday and i needed to do some car stuff to make up for time lost on the weekend during the retreat (whoa run-on. i'm leaving it. haha) and so i drove nikki home. ended up staying the night there and watching the butterfly effect. yeah, definitely scarey. but that night i realized how much i didn't want to lose nikki... ever. it's weird thinking about how one event could affect something so far off in the future. like if pam didn't force me to be "azn" this past year i wouldn't have joined psa and i wouldn't have met nikki. or if thara didn't call me up to go to imee's party. i was seriously just getting out of lab and made the last minute decision to stop by.
anyway, then i went home thursday and spent the whole damn day trying to get my new steering wheel on. i finally got it like at 2 in the morning. i was SO frusterated. it's so pretty. i just want to drive all day and hold it. the leather feels so amazing.
moving on, i went on the officer retreat for psa this past weekend. i won't lie at first i wasn't really excited about going, what with all the past drama and awkwardness. but after getting a kick in the head about my attitude, i finally realized that it was going to be a good time. and it was! i can't believe all the stuff we have planned for the upcoming first semester alone. it's craaaaaaazy! but the showers in that hotel were rank as hell. gross. in the end though, there was a lot of good bonding and memories. GO EMUS! woot.
after that i decided to visit nikki, again. haha big surprise. it was for our five month anniversary. its weird, it feels a lot longer than five months... but our relationship still feels brand new. hard to explain. but i am soooo happy. and i miss her soooo much. it feels good to know that this is the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with. i never thought i'd find her so soon in my college career, but i feel confident to say that i have. i love you baby! 143! doop doop doop.
i wanted to treat her to something special because i haven't done that in a long while. so we headed to the mall. she wouldn't let me buy her anything at first because she felt bad... but we ended up building a bear. his name is bloop - cause we're weird like that. we got him clothes that look exactly like what i'd wear. it's insane. sand-washed jeans, a maroon cali tee-shirt, and really cool shoes. i recorded my voice in a thingy that was put in his paw. he's so cute. yeah then i went back to school to realize that i had a test the next day. whoops! my bad.
that's all for now. i'm sure mike'll add more later! wait... mike? yup. it's me, nikki, updating for mike. haha. this is pretty much all the stuff that he's said to me about the past week and well, he hasn't blogged in a while so i thought i'd do him a favor. leave a comment! tell me if you could tell the difference! haha...
Sunday, July 11, 2004
hi.
so dang, been going out a lot lately. there always seems a reason to, at least recently, with all the birthdays and what not. and overall, it's been a really good time. it's a nice change from sitting around the apartment like a bum. not to say that i don't do that during the day on the weekend or when i'm done with class or what not. lately i've been all about the HGTV/trading spaces stuff for some reason. not to say that i don't watch the show ('cause i do), but i'm on this 'iwanttogetmyownapartmentanddeckitout' kick. if not that, then re-do my room at home. with parental fundage of course. otherwise, i'd much rather put the money elsewhere. anyway.
so back to going out. it's been a good time since i have dabbed into going out with people i haven't necessarily gone out with for like...a semester. and it felt really really good. especially yesterday, i really got a sense of how distant i had become to the people that meant a lot to me freshman year...and even first semester of last year. and for the first time i started to get this sense of reciprocation of feelings...like they actually missed me being around. which is nice. really nice actually. a big part of me actually considering deactivating was not because of my distance from the house and what not (granted that whole situation really played a big part in pushing me in that direction) but the fact that people didn't really seem to care that i wasn't around. guess you just have to go out there and see them to really know. and it's just awesome to run into people you haven't seen in forever. haha, julie, carly, and i were going to call diana and give her shit about not coming down this weekend. tisk tisk D. sometimes you just don't realize how many people in your life you haven't seen or talked to until you actually see them in person. i literally ran into maybe 20 people i hadn't kept in touch with (outside my fraternity...if you count them, it's crazy). so wtf. i need to find balance. 'cause right now, my life is not. granted, the whole greek reunion thing had a lot to do with my whole sudden realization, but i think i really needed that. i was beginning to lose sight as to who i really am. and that's a big no no. my uncle john has played a big part in me staying in the fraternity too. i look to him for a lot of advice, and more often than not, his opinions really make or break whether i do certain things. hell, a huge part in me even rushing was just 'cause he thought it would be good for me. and it really really was. i get reminded of all the good times i've had...and the good friends i've made. plus it's useful after you graduate. if i had deactivated by now, i would've been so depressed after this weekend.
more specifically...
pam and i talked for the first time in a long time last night, which was nice. i sincerely miss that friendship we used to have...even if she thinks that whole new years thing was a pseudo-mistake. oh well. but nonetheless, it was nice to know she missed the friendship too...i think...i dunno, she was drunk and so was i. we'll see what happens. still have to get sushi, haha. erin and i have met up a couple times while we were out, which was nice considering she was one of the first people i met on campus here...and she's really cool. surprised we haven't hung out more since she lives across the street, but hey it's cool. when you gonna try and win your five bucks back in pool? oh what? haha. brenda called me up this weekend too...didn't know she came down, but we met up after a little while just to say hi which was cool 'cause she'd always been there when i was down. too bad we didn't get to chill more, but there's always the year. michelle came down for greek reunion too, which was unexpected...but we are cool now. we caught up over lunch and then, since apparently you can see my room from the beer garden at station, met up. sorta creepy, but it's cool. honestly, she was a big part of me distancing myself, but also a part in convincing me to stay. if it wasn't for her, i probably wouldn't have seen how much people in the house actually care. especially since she's friends with so many of the 07s. i appreciate that. j tang! geez, i haven't seen you in forever man...but it was classic. we have so much to catch up on, but just going out to the bars with you again was awesome...even though you were really messed. the crazy rain made it all the better, lol. crazy garbage bag ponchos.
i miss my baby. it seems like forever since i've seen her and it doesn't look like we'll be able to see each other until like school starts. i'll have to find a time to come up there. i promise. if anything, i need to give you back your straightener and brush right? haha. just talking to her makes me smile from ear to ear, sigh. despite everything that has happened, i'm still crazy about you honey. yeh won pans! so crazy in love. oh oh oh oh we oh we oh. muah.
okay...so that was earlier today. now it's 9:30 at night. onwards! so i've done virtually nothing today in (perhaps foolish) anticipation of my baby coming to surprise me here, but alas, when she said she couldn't come, she really couldn't this time. and really, you can't discount my inclination to complete and utter laziness. anyway, i just finished watching high fidelity...a great movie in my opinion. i'm not the biggest john cusack fan, but in that movie, i really liked his role...and just the whole "flow" of the movie. for those of you that haven't seen it, i would recommend it. it makes me think about things that have happened to me in the past, specifically relationships, and how much they have affected me. if i had to go back and list my top five worst break ups...i'd have to say this (in no order whatsoever):
1. michelle lira. i think this one would probably be the most obvious to everyone. on top of it all i ended it. by the end, it really just wasn't right...although it was, in my opinion at least, an awesome relationship. i will never discount the affect she had on me, nor would i want to lose her friendship. i put this on my list of 5 worst break ups simply because she has played that huge part in my life...and all of a sudden it was gone. took awhile to really let go. at least now we are friends again.
2. eriko nagao. well this was my first attempt at a relationship after michelle. what a bomb. i tried to be everything that i wasn't with michelle, in a good way, but it ended up backfiring on me because she was a bitch. i tried to give her everything and she ended up cheating on me countless times. go figure. the good part about it is that i learned that you can't be jealous all the time. so thanks for that. ho.
3. allison chin. we didn't go out for a long time, but what really sucked about the whole thing was that we were best friends before it. in eighth grade we were both going out with different people, but they were always busy with their own things, so we would always hang out and talk about anything really. i don't think i'd ever forget the time we went to dairy queen at like 11 at night and walked around our block talking...and our parents didn't really mind it. point is, we went out after her and tom broke up 'cause we thought something was still there, but there wasn't. in the end, i lost a really good friend.
4. jennifer herzog. speaking of weird, allison was actually the one that broke us up FOR me. when i actually didn't even want to. she actually called jen when i was talking to her about our problems at my house. and i really didn't stop her. the tough part about it was, i actually really did like her...and our subsequent relationship in college kind of reflected that whole open-ended thing. except now, since she is still ruled by her strict ass parents, we don't talk 'cause she got mad that i called at maybe 10:30 at night. that's what going to college around home does to you. you never grow up.
5. jessica wetmore. she was the first girl that i've ever asked out. previous to her, i was always the one being asked. with her i started to shed a lot of the shyness that many of you who read my blog are completely unfamiliar with, but if i hadn't done that, i probably wouldn't know many of you anyway. so thank God. but we did this whole go out freshman year...then we took a break...ended up going out again. i guess the hard part of it was that after she came back from vacation, where we talked so much about how much we missed each other, when we finally got to see each other, there really wasn't that much chemistry(?) i guess? kinda threw me for a loop. the next day it was over.
i think the whole movie is all about looking back to look forward really. seeing how the past has affected you to really go and see who you are, and what you want to do with where you are right now. it's not about being completely righteous and pursuing your dreams or whatever because hey, how many of our dreams really involve six figure salaries? at least mine don't. and because of that fact, i keep them as hobbies. it's just about really appreciating where you are BECAUSE of your past. and i can honestly say that i am really happy about where i am with nikki. i've learned a lot from my past and have applied them to my present. hell, even people i haven't necessarily been in official relationships with/things have just happened with have taught me quite a bit. and although nikki and i have had our problems, the only thing i want to do is be with her right now.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
so the fourth of july weekend was amazing. all the bad things that were on my mind were just swept away since i got to spend time with nikki. got to meet some more of her fam...went swimming (which i haven't done in ages), and made cupcakes with her little cousins. good times good times. anyway, all was well in the world. on the way back to the lovely u of i, nikki and i stopped by to see lori's crib...and it was pretty cool i'd have to say. must be nice to have your own place sometimes. i finally got back to school at like midnight or something. so, until yesterday night i was on this complete high...absolutely nothing could bother me, and i was completely in love.
then news hits and i was like oh man. okay. can't say i'm not disappointed, 'cause i am. and hurt. and i find myself saying, oh it figures. happiness is never in my cards. but i mean, after a little bit of time to myself and having a conversation with my home fry adam, things definitely turned around...talked to the nikki again and we were joking around and everything was "peachy-keen"...wow...i just said that. anyway, i guess immediately after a fiasco like that, it isn't the best time to pull out your best sarcasm cards, and they came out flying. but i guess now everything is cool. i was never mad...i was simply disappointed and definitely hurt. but hey, it's cool. in the end, i still love her. am i getting walked on again? i hope not, but i trust her. anyway, what sucks is that i won't be seeing her for quite awhile...family vacation, cruise, etc...so that's like almost two months. eeek. but it's almost bittersweet 'cause when we do, it'll be right around the big six month mark. woot.
k, onto other things...
i was reading lori's blog (from real world) and yet again i find myself laughing and being like 'oh that's so true'. and then almost immediately after, i feel like a weirdo for reading her blog like some "iwanttomeetyoucauseyouareabsolutelygorgeousandseemreallyeasytotalkto-stalker" guy. nonetheless...she has good stuff to say. so there. eat it. okay, but onto what i agree about...i can't go to the mall and just BROWSE. i will never understand why you would want to just piss yourself off LOOKING at things that you obviously can't afford and want so bad. i just walk out of there feeling like wtf...why the hell did i want to feel like shit? this especially hits hard when you go there with a friend that has just gotten his/her paycheck and they are buying everything you want. that's the BEST. FRIGGIN BEST i tell ya! it makes me realize how long it's been since i've really bought a lot at the mall since i've dropped virtually everything into my car. do i regret it? no. do i wish i had more money to go to the mall and tear it up? fo shizzle.
so i visited some old bmw forums that i used to be pretty active in back in my high school days but haven't visited recently since their site had been down forever. wow. just reading some of the posts that i...posted...i was such a little dumbass. but i mean, it's cool now since i know 100x more than i used to 'cause i can teach all these noobs about their cars...and that's an awesome feeling. on top of that, i got a private message from the head moderator about getting free decals since i'm one of the top contributing members STILL since i posted so much back in the day, lol. saving $10 saweet. i remember this site is how i met a lot of the contacts that i have now...chris (who i bought my first exhaust from) and i have seen our cars literally transform...and pick up other ones...and compete for mods, lol. i met a lot of my e34 contacts (shragon, gamite) that opened me up to a lot of the other forums too. basically the start of a lot of networking...and a lot of knowledge. it really makes me appreciate how far i've come...and that the people that i started with have still not forgotten me.
okay, so i just got back from class a little while ago and i just wanted to comment on more stuff. have you ever read what people write on desks sometimes? well I do. anyway, so in 32 psych the desks are more like curved tables that a bunch of people can sit behind like this: (
and there's like 6 response buttons for some reason in front of each person (it's a wood part)...prolly 'cause back in the day it was a big experiment room or something. ANYWAY, so people write a lot on that wood part and i came across this today:
"optimists say anything is possible. they obviously haven't tried to slam a revolving door."
and i was like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. first because i imagined some guy wearing a white t-shirt that said 'optimist' in black capital letters trying to slam a revolving door...but secondly, i was like hey, what does that REALLY mean? does that mean that in essence, optimists are the biggest victims of the 'confirmation bias'? (meaning that they only see/address things that will justify their claims and ignore others) but really, isn't every philosopher? you wouldn't really have a philosophy if all you did was combat it with everything that opposes it. you'd just be an overanalytical, broke jerkface. or do optimists say something completely different about a revolving door? maybe like...the revolving door is a perfect example of 'anything is possible'. conventional doors have a definite end...this revolving door represents a break in this convention...a breakthrough...evidence that anything IS possible. it is not MEANT to be slammed like conventional doors because it is its own entity with different properties. it is the door further down the evolutionary scale. to the writer of that quote on the desk they would probably ask, then what do you say to the doors that automatically open and close? without optimists such a concept would be 'impossible' and we would all resort to conformity. or would they simply just take the comment with a coke and a smile and be on their merry ways? OR maybe just because they SAY that anything is possible, they really don't mean it. maybe they are just the biggest bullshitters in the world and because everyone is so quick to believe what they hear, we believe them. maybe they just say that to make the world seem like a nicer, easier place to live than it really is...because without that, what would inspire people to go out and try to invent new things...to improve on the improved? even further, maybe they HAVE tried to slam a revolving door. then went home and cried when they couldn't (then subsequently changed their philosophy...and lo! pessimism is invented). maybe the writer just didn't know that they actually tried. OR...(sorry y'all) maybe the definition of 'slam' is just different for the revolving door. maybe the action of the rubber ends of each facet of the door itself hitting the edges of the surround is slamming. who knows. MAYBE THE OPTIMISTS! maybe your MOM. what's funny is that at the end of this blog originally i put 'mcworld' at the bottom...a mcdonalds stunt alluding to the fact that anything is possible...and just for the sake of it (and irony) it'll stay there.
mcworld!
Sunday, July 04, 2004
alright. hello again! so lets catch you all up. summer school has been stressing me out lately simply because both of my tests were on the same day. unexpected. luckily, i felt really confident on one of my tests (cognitive), so i got to focus a little bit more attention on neuro. bleh. i'd have to say the best part of that hellish week was the fantabulous dinner that nikki made for the two of us. mmm mmm mmm. most sweet and most excellent. onwards.
so tonight i went and saw the terminal with my dad, sister, and adam. i'd have to say it was a really good movie, despite all the bad reviews...what do they know anyway? catherine zeta jones is absolutely gorgeous. wow. anyway...what really pissed me off about the whole situation was a group of really obnoxious kids sitting behind us. geez, you would think they were five. seriously. i'd much rather have a big group of pre-teen girls screaming OMG OMG through the whole movie than bunch of ghetto punk ass high school rejects with no future sitting behind us making stupid remarks. grow up. it's people like that that make me nervous...especially about my sister. i swear, if they had made some sort of comment towards her, i would've lost it. those piece of shits don't even deserve to look at her. sidenote...again with the punk ass kids. prank call of two kids singing "get low". it's fucking four in the morning. don't you have anything better to do? apparently not. i'll see you fuckers at the pick up window at mcdonalds in a couple years.
so onto the car. finally got my m5 console piece, but 1. it doesn't fit exactly right and 2. it's the wrong color because m5s didn't come in parchment interior. SO...i'm having it dyed 'cause it's that cool. in the meantime i have the regular piece. picked up my e36 m3 shift lever today, but i didn't have time to install it, so hopefully i can do it in a couple weeks. on top of it all, adam and i finished my trunk yesterday. looks CLEAN and awesome. i'm definitely very happy. thanks bro. :) from all this new goodness, i only got about three hours of sleep...woke up...and hit up the garage and cleaned like crazy. i swear, the interior looks practically brand new...and i have before and after pics to prove it, haha.
i don't think that i've ever been so confused in my entire life. at times i could feel like i'm on top of the world, and yet others, i feel like it is my destiny to get hurt and be disappointed. and i mean, this isn't just the relationship realm, but just everything. get something for the car, something goes wrong. wonderful. feel like i'm bonding really well with the 'rents for once, nope...the next day we fight. i don't think i've ever been pulled in so many directions and felt so many emotions all at once. as a result, i'm just ultra-sensitive and ultra-paranoid about everything. which really sucks because it doesn't really help remedy the situation, it just makes things even worse because i'm so preoccupied being worried that i 1. don't understand things 2. overlook things or 3. skimp on effort and just lay there pretending/hoping everything will be okay. i'm just really vulnerable right now. and really, i've bottled up all my other problems because i didn't think they would make it any easier for anyone else to deal with, but in turn, it's just left me torn up inside. i think working on my car, despite all the standard frustrations, gives me some sort of release. guitar helps me clear my mind too.
it's tough to find who to listen to as well because nobody knows the whole story, no matter how much you try to explain it, there will still be no one clear solution. and that is, ultimately, what everyone is looking for. i mean legally, yeah, i'm an adult, but that doesn't mean i don't need some emotional training wheels. i am seriously messed sometimes. and not only is it an issue to find someone to listen to, but also someone you can trust. wow, how many times have i just trusted freely and just gotten romped. too many. too many. my dad always used to say i trust too much. but isn't that something you have to do in some cases? or will i just end up getting stomped on again. who knows. only time will tell. in the meantime, i will still put my trust in people. most people.
i really miss hanging out with some people...or just even talking. i've lost touch with basically all of my fraternity brothers especially on my impending deactivation...which really sucks 'cause it has been a huge part of my life. all because of how expensive it is, i can't acknowledge that anymore, since they frickin' take it all away. i miss cafe paradiso nights. i miss hanging out with D watching real world or road rules...and laaaaaaaaaaaater. i miss shooting the breeze with jim and paul outside our rooms in bromley. come to think of it, i miss the whole 9th floor crew. i miss going out and getting crazy with j tang...and trying to desperately 'get swoll' with d roh. i miss erin, marissa, and you can't forget rama...crazy kid. i miss josh and his extended vowels and calling me a fucker. i miss hanging out and chillin with babsie like i used to. and dancer...what the hell happened there? sucks. we were like best friends...and now it's like we barely talk to each other. i miss maritess and mariko...and kyle and steve. it's just absolutely nuts how close and how distant you can get with people sometimes. hope it can all level out soon. until the next episode.