Wednesday, May 05, 2004
so for some reason today i woke up...groggy at first, naturally...but feeling the need to say something...anything really. lets just...free write. i miss my home fries and my cronies from last year...or even last semester. hence, the j tang and me pic. yes, i know j tang is not the only friend i had last year, but i didn't have a digicam back then so pish. it's just weird to think how you can become so close to some people one year, and then the next barely talk to each other. i really hope that never happens to my group of friends this year...and frankly i don't see that happening, but you never knowl. it always brings me back to how much i keep changing. maybe they are all the same...maybe i'm just the one that keeps on throwing everyone for a loop. who knows.
i can't wait for the summer. i think besides actually getting back to working on my car and what not, i'll have time to get back to some things i've definitely been putting on hold this whole semester. music. i don't think i've picked up my guitar...or played any of the instruments i play in forever. and that's sad. i charcoaled once this semester...and surprisingly, it wasn't all that bad. but yeah, all the ways that i used to express myself back when i was too shy to say anything...i'm losing touch with just 'cause i continually use words more and more to convey what i want to say/what i'm thinking. but there's really just something about music and art that sometimes makes it all the more meaningful. and also it seems of late that i suck at talking...i can never find the right words for some reason. on top of it all, i get to chill w/my sis more. we're finally getting close and it's awesome...although i wish i could be around more when shiz gets crazy at home. oh, i'm broke again. yay. all the "generosity" of my 'rents was blown on rent, PSA stuff, and other expenses. wasn't even that i ate that much...hell, i didn't even go to the grocery.
the undergrad smelled so rank yesterday. like...imagine the worst smell in the world...and it was worse. we at first were thinking it was like the agricultural fields, but oh no. it was the undergrad. it has BO. like my roommate. rubie, erwin, and i were trying to get some work done for our anthro project when it subtlely hit us. so we decide to move, right? so we're walking towards the exit but it's getting STRONGER. wtf. so the original plan was to hit up the 'cafe' part...where i see a girl sitting there, reading with her shirt covering her nose. i'm thinking, oh...maybe it's not so bad if she can sit there and bear it. WHOOOOOOOOA...no. it was horrible. like...i could've died horrible. i think my eyes rolled to the back of my head just then. so we're walking up the stairs in agony...finally make it outside to some fresh air. woot. i couldn't THINK for like a minute after that whole thing. whew.
i dunno, all the drama and what not lately has left me today in this...hey fuck you sort of mood. but it's not that mood where you see it on the surface...it's more like that second layer. so if someone pisses you off, you're like hey fuck you. i guess drama is unavoidable really...but it seems like whenver things seem to be going well, are going well, or you just aren't thinking about all the bad...it hits you. sort of like the rank smell at the undergrad. and it's like this...WOOOOOOOOSH once it does. it's like all the bad stuff is just this really, really good stalker that follows you around so well that you don't even notice it most of the time and you can just be happy. dun dun dun. no. that's when it goes no freakin' way and slaps you in the back of the head. then you say...hey fuck you. yeah, it's like that.
season finale of the OC tonight. how am i possibly following what i just said with something like this? free write...free write. i want to be on that show. and real world. damn. i have not kept up with that show at all this year...and it really sucks 'cause 1. it's a great show. and 2. jamie is hot. speaking of that, you know in 40 days 40 nights? the girl that is oggled for the whole movie (his ex gf) is not hot. great movie, just i think they needed a better character 'cause i found myself being like...uh, no...not hot. no. no, you're wrong. stop it. open your eyes. oh well. completely unrelated, but i find myself wanting to get to know some people a lot better, but it seems like the feeling isn't reciprocal. just as friends mind you. just to make casual conversation and what not seems like a stretch, but i guess there MUST be some reason why they don't open up. or maybe i smell bad, who knows. anyway, i'm out. rant is over. return to your regularly scheduled programs.