Sunday, June 20, 2004
good day. bad day. good day. bad day. i think that's how my life works now. thursday i really can't complain about. i was all good from the night before at jill's...had a good talk with bon bon...and then headed home. nice chill evening. then friday. didn't pass emissions...mom was being a bitch...instability where i needed stability. went to see dodgeball, which was okay, but i was totally fifth wheeled. hated it. so after the whole deal, i drove to nikki's...which was amazing. saturday was our 4 month anniversary so i spent the night and then spent the whole day with my baby. i definitely needed to be with her...i was instantly a lot happier. all the crap in the world just went away. seemed like the weekend was a big hey lets watch movies weekend...which i think i needed. it went something like this...dum de dum...dooooodgeball...bum cha choo...fight cl-uuuuuub...and ended like...la la la stepford wives. too bad a classroom full of 'eleven-teen' year-olds were sitting in front of us during stepford. i'm so glad my sister isn't like that. GOD that's annoying.
today...isn't going well so far. nikki can't come down next weekend...i've lost all motivation to work out...and i don't feel like dealing with stupid shit about my car. on top of everything else, i feel guilty about not being home on father's day...since it was the biggest reason i wanted to go home last weekend. but what can you do if your mom is a jerk? nothing. i feel like i want to take all this negative energy and turn it into something creative...but i'm just not feeling the spark just yet. what to do...what to do.
i picked up my guitar for the first time in a long time and boy...i need to practice again. since i left all pissed off on friday i completely forgot my capo...so i can't play certain songs...and lets not forget my headset that is sitting in my basement right now. woot.
seriously, when i go home to all that bullshit, it makes me remember why i decided to stay in champaign over the summer. it also makes me just want to move away RIGHT away after i graduate. how come it always comes down to the fact that they are always right and we are always wrong? what is that? they are just as confusing as we are. whatever. i just have a feeling it's going to be one of those days. at this point i'm in this 'i want to do anything to piss my mom off even more' mood...but what really sucks is that i'll end up pissing my dad off 'cause he does whatever she says. so i think i'll hold off on that. like i want to call home and be like hey, happy father's day...but in my head i know it's going to lead to this stupid lecture that i'm not in any mood to hear. then i'll probably just say fuck everything and go out and destroy myself. so...i'm in a bind.
i think the only way i can get out of this rut is just through some good 'ol fashioned creative expression. time to break out the sketch pad, guitar, and digicam.
