blue styrofoam plates

2004-09-10T13:21:00.000-05:00

new website is up now...

so i suggest you go there instead, haha

http://s87459559.onlinehome.us

2004-08-20T12:27:00.000-05:00

hey all. rock bonky.

so...wow, it's been a LOOOONG time. almost...TOO long. so i'm finally at home now, enjoying my week of summer. bleh. i really don't want to go back to school. i think the only thing that's really good about it is that i get to experience living in a new place and i'm closer to nikki...although i won't have a car.

speaking of the car...i've been crazy involved with it, as usual, i s'pose. i'll have to snap some pic-a-tures later. but yeah, i've gone to a couple meets, mostly for old school (E30, E34) bmw guys, which were simply awesome. it was good to meet/see those guys again...definitely been awhile. made me really appreciate the car that i drive and how far it has come. my only obstacle now is just to pass emissions and then i'm good to go. maybe i've finally found the problem, maybe not. i've been really disappointed with fall line motorsports though (they did my exhaust/hi-flow racing cats/custom piping last year). i took my car there intially because i needed new cats, and ended up going with a full exhaust system, which is fine. what bugs me is that the readings got WORSE after...and they were being huge dicks about helping me with the situation. apparently they don't know how to run a business, despite how good their work is. lost customer for life. oh well, just a greater reason to do more and more myself. now who actually gave a shit about what i just said? hmm...onwards!

what i did when nikki was on her cruise...

WELL...needless to say, i had to keep myself busy so i wouldn't miss her more than i already did. i went into major car overload for one. (i.e. i detailed the hell out of it at my friend brandon's place...from 8pm to 6:30am). after the E34 summer meet i went back to the city to chill...ended up going out with brandon, his gf steph, harold (brandon's bro), and a bunch of other people i just met that night...to transit. apparently they were having their four year anniversary party, so it was pretty cool. first time really at a club in the city. really really fun, but expensive. i guess i'm just used to the college prices. but yeah...ended up crashing at harold's place...which i want 'cause it's an awesome apartment right by the lake, FYI...then headed down to U of I to continue packing up my stuff from PT. sad. i'm really going to miss that place. after a couple trips (no, not all in the same day) i finally got everything. fhew. the last time was pretty cool. mark and i drove down there and did the whole moving thing...but then we met up with gabe and went to cowboy monkey, which was awesome. i seriously felt like i wasn't in champaign anymore when i was there. totally different atmosphere...in a good way. now i just need to learn how to salsa dance, haha. wednesday nights! but besides that, i had a good opportunity to talk business with mark. hopefully all works out and we become successful bastards later in life. afterwards, we chilled w/some of gabe's friends...one of them actually was in my cognitive class over the summer. wish i had talked to him in class 'cause he's hilarious, lol. anyway, we attempted to head back around 4:30 in the morning...with me driving. yeah, so i didn't want to crash...and i think i was hallucinating from being so tired. SO...being responsible and all, we pulled into a rest stop...where we proceeded to take a "30 minute nap". which turned into waking up at 9:30 in the morning. civics are very uncomfortable to sleep in when you can't recline the seats. i don't recommend it. i was all fetal-ed up with my head on the armrest most of the time. i think my back STILL hurts from that. but all is well.

oh, the wonderous journey to elgin with adam was an experience. so i had to go to the DMV to get a 7-day pass thing...but the drive on the way there was priceless. so at first, we go over to the emissions station to find out we have to go to the DMV. then, we miss the turn to go to the DMV...so naturally we try and take the next right to turn around. turns out to be a highway. awesome. so we take the nearest exit...drive around aimlessly...then out of the blue there's a cop behind us. bam! we get pulled over. the funny thing is, we were both like oh good...now we can ask for directions. so the cop is like, "yeah, just go make a right here at the stop sign...then go over the railroad tracks...pass the crazy people house...and then it should be on your right side". allllllright. so all in all, we were back on our way with just a warning. yee haw! so i'm finally at the DMV where i had the opportunity to observe some really fucked up people...i mean...interesting. the wait wasn't TOO bad...45 minutes of observation while adam slept in the car...but being there made me appreciate living in palatine so much more. i'm a bastard. so after that whole fiasco, we hit up burger king...where they played the most obnoxious music i've ever heard. i felt like i was watching kids incorporated or some PBS kid show equivalent. ugh. and both of us combined prolly had six hours of sleep from the night before, so peppy children's music is pretty much the last thing i wanted to hear. old mcdonald for Christ's sake. c'mon. nobody wants to eat burgers with that. not even kids. or old mcdonald. he has a farm...with all the normal farm animals. i think he KNOWS what sound they make. i mean, he only has to interact with them EVERYDAY. i think if he goes to burger king he'd want to hear some p diddy or something. he goes there for a RELEASE from farm life. not to be reminded of it. scene.

anyway, adam and i spent some time outside throwing a football around before our healthy dose of napolean dynamite, which is definitely something new. and exciting. the movie was hilarious. and so were our football skills. for those of you who haven't seen it, see it 'cause you'll laugh. ha! just like that, but with a bunch of them in a row. speaking of movies...

i went to see harold and kumar opening night with mark and bridget. all i have to say is: bwhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahha. and that's it. well...and the fact that it was one of the funniest movies i've seen in awhile. so apparently the consenus is that i'm kumar. kuuuuuuumar. why? (now is where i'm going to spoil the movie for those of you who haven't seen it, so if you haven't skip the rest of this paragraph and see the movie. then come back and read.) well...apparently i'm the smart one that doesn't apply himself...my dad is a doctor who wanted me to be one too. i went along w/it for a while...then switched my major...all the while SAYING i was going pre-med still. yeah. but i don't do drugs...nor "groom myself" in my roommates mirror. just 'cause it wouldn't be right if we didn't, mark and i went to white castle after. and seriously...everyone there was really friendly. especially 'cause half the people there just saw the movie. but really, it seemed like everyone was saying hi to each other. wendys can't beat that. white castle for life. btw roldy, we must still watch the exorcist...since i do have it here now, ahem.

oh, i bought a BOOK. i was looking for this idiot's guide to investing for people in their 20s and 30s, but they didn't have it. i ended up getting this 'breaking designer's block' book though. tons of great ideas. makes me want to make websites over and over again. or scrapbooks. woo hoo.

speaking of buying things...i treated myself to some clothing...and received some. got more guess-ed out...bought some jeans, got 2 new shirts, and my baby got me a really nice black dress watch for our six month anniversary. woot! thanks baby! so now i have two cool guess watch boxes...and two cool guess watches, haha. plus, since it's been a bit colder than normal, i got to wear my express jacket for the first time. lovin' it, lovin' it. finally got a white belt...and a red one as a matter of fact...to go with my new RED puma shoes. dang. then i got some new steve maddens 'cause they looked cool too. i want more.

ooh. i went to a concert at the metro with arden the other week to see some of her friends from minnesota play. they were AMAZING. check them out here: dropping daylight. it was actually really inspiring...made me want to play guitar and write songs all day. woo shoo. woo shoo? okay...

so i went with mark to go help him find a digital camera...which turned into a two hour fiasco...but all in all, he got a camera that was awesome. and better than mine. fawk you. j/k. but afterwards, we hit up some old country buffet...woot. it was weird though...i was talking about missing nikki...(she didn't have reception up der so we couldn't talk) when "a thousand miles" came on...which is her ringtone. then later on, she calls me! whoa. happy times! woot. woot.

but yeah, so finally when her flight got in, i went to go pick her up from the airport and went back to my place. yay! she ended up staying for a couple days actually, which was amazing. we finally put ga flowers i got her in a vase...damn, i never knew what a difference that makes...plus that 'flower food'. those thangs were bloomin'. we ended up watching a lil' emperor's new groove (hilarious...llama faaaace) and i busted out pasta that i hadn't made in a LONG time. all in all, it was faaaanshmastic. i didn't want to bring her home, haha.

more mushy stuff...

yesterday was our six month anniversary...woot! we ended up going to geja's cafe for dinner, which was awesome...and then we headed over to buckingham fountain, since nikki hadn't been there at night before. she gave me a "mock gift" at first...some candy, waterguns, HUGE cards, etc. etc. that i guess she didn't expect me to like so much...but it was AWESOME, haha. i like cool stuff like that. but in actuality, she got me that black guess watch i was talking about earlier, haha. after all of that, we just cruised back to my place and chilled til, sadly, i had to drop her off at home again. poo.

that basically catches you all up on what's been going on...now it's time to rant. very...briefly.

okay, you know that show the assistant? that tanika girl is such a bitch. seriously, like whenever someone is eliminated, she's got this attitude like oh GOOD. ho. anyway. so i watched my first episode of queer eye for the straight guy w/nikki the other day...and i must say, it's an awesome show. i want them to do up my apartment when i finally move out to the city...damn. oh. and i got a haircut. and i hate it. i'd have to say, i'm getting really sick of short hair. at least THIS short. i'm just glad my hair grows fast. see...and long hair is so much more economical. i save so much more money if it's longer. granted, it may not be as long as it was before i got it cut, or maybe it will, but it'll definitely not be this short as hell bullchit. who knows, maybe it was just 'cause the ho didn't know how to cut hair, or maybe i just don't like it short. regardless, i'm done blogging finally. fhew. oh btw...yellow styrofoam plates has been updated...somewhat, haha.

2004-08-18T11:31:00.000-05:00

chew on this...

assignment: please translate the following rap song lyrics from Ebonics to standard English.
artist: Notorious B.I.G.
album: Ready to Die
song: One more chance (remix)
lyrics: First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan' But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation Garbage, I turn like doorknobs Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever However, I stay coochied down to the socks Rings and watch filled with rocks

TRANSLATION: As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.

lyrics: And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee As I lay down laws like I lay carpet Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit >

TRANSLATION: I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable.

lyrics: Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin

TRANSLATION: Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons. I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts. Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia. I'm having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me. I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you.

lyrics: First I talk about how I dress and this And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses The sex is just immaculate from the back I get Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the Climax that your man can't make Call and tell him you'll be home real late Let's sing the break

TRANSLATION: I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He needn't be concerned about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you won't be home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me also.

lyrics: She's sick of that song on how it's so long Thought he worked his until I handled my biz There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round me True player for real, ask Puff Daddy

TRANSLATION: Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications about the length of your member. After I had sexual intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed; violently and immorally. It would be in your best interest to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.

lyrics: You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell She beeped me, meet me at twelve

TRANSLATION: Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight.

lyrics: Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes? While I'm swimmin' in ya women like the breast stroke Right stroke, left stroke what's the best stroke Death stroke - tongue all down her throat Nuthin' left to do but send her home to you I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?

TRANSLATION: You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman. Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd osculatory acts with your women. My only remaining option is to request that she leave my home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have a need for her presence.

lyrics: So, what's it gonna be? Him or me? We can cruise the world with pearls Gator boots for girls The envy of all women, crushed linen Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em The finest women I love with a passion Ya man's a wimp, I give that *** a good thrashin'

TRANSLATION: The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will dress you in the finest jewelry and footwear. You will be envied by women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelry. There is a special place in my heart for beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is effeminate.

lyrics: High fashion - flyin' into all states. Sexin' me while your man masturbates. Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight. Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds. Lyrically I'm supposed to represent. I'm not only the client, I'm the player president

TRANSLATION: You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris. I will fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelry. You will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself through manual stimulation. What a life! I'll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock flight. The timing is perfect because I have scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock. I'll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap well and I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not only am I a sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on the board of directors of the organization that governs others of my kind.

wow...it's been so long since i've blogged that blogger has a bunch of these new features and what not. i remember back in the day i hadn't blogged for so long that blogger had changed a whole new layout. yikes. anyway, there's been SO much going on that my blog will have to be like a freakin' novel, so i'm just going to leave it at this and hit you with a biggie-sized (no pun intended) blog later. pics and everything. be excited 'cause i am.

2004-07-21T01:54:00.001-05:00

jigga wut. catching up.

let's see... i've been spending a lot of time with my baby. which makes me happy. the first section is when she visited u of i last week before the retreat. there was a crazy storm with tornado warnings and flash flood warnings and pieces of trees and my building falling off. omg and the wind opened my window and soaked ALL my computer stuff! i was so upset. i had to let all this shit in my room dry off. and at first i didn't think she'd come. but she did! when she got here, i forgot to tell her that there wasn't any power and that she had to walk up the stairs. 21 flights. it sucks not having power. no lights, no ac, no running water, no bathroom. we had to eat so much food before it went bad in the unworking fridge. i've never gone that long without power. we decided to stay at bons for the evening, and thank god because we found out there wasn't going to be power until noon the next day! went to wine night, cept it was closed cause of the power outage. so we ended up going to station. good times good times. it kinda felt like our first meeting because we were sitting at a corner table kinda joking around by ourselves.

so then wednesday i decided to drive home because i didnt have class on thursday and i needed to do some car stuff to make up for time lost on the weekend during the retreat (whoa run-on. i'm leaving it. haha) and so i drove nikki home. ended up staying the night there and watching the butterfly effect. yeah, definitely scarey. but that night i realized how much i didn't want to lose nikki... ever. it's weird thinking about how one event could affect something so far off in the future. like if pam didn't force me to be "azn" this past year i wouldn't have joined psa and i wouldn't have met nikki. or if thara didn't call me up to go to imee's party. i was seriously just getting out of lab and made the last minute decision to stop by.

anyway, then i went home thursday and spent the whole damn day trying to get my new steering wheel on. i finally got it like at 2 in the morning. i was SO frusterated. it's so pretty. i just want to drive all day and hold it. the leather feels so amazing.

moving on, i went on the officer retreat for psa this past weekend. i won't lie at first i wasn't really excited about going, what with all the past drama and awkwardness. but after getting a kick in the head about my attitude, i finally realized that it was going to be a good time. and it was! i can't believe all the stuff we have planned for the upcoming first semester alone. it's craaaaaaazy! but the showers in that hotel were rank as hell. gross. in the end though, there was a lot of good bonding and memories. GO EMUS! woot.

after that i decided to visit nikki, again. haha big surprise. it was for our five month anniversary. its weird, it feels a lot longer than five months... but our relationship still feels brand new. hard to explain. but i am soooo happy. and i miss her soooo much. it feels good to know that this is the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with. i never thought i'd find her so soon in my college career, but i feel confident to say that i have. i love you baby! 143! doop doop doop.

i wanted to treat her to something special because i haven't done that in a long while. so we headed to the mall. she wouldn't let me buy her anything at first because she felt bad... but we ended up building a bear. his name is bloop - cause we're weird like that. we got him clothes that look exactly like what i'd wear. it's insane. sand-washed jeans, a maroon cali tee-shirt, and really cool shoes. i recorded my voice in a thingy that was put in his paw. he's so cute. yeah then i went back to school to realize that i had a test the next day. whoops! my bad.

that's all for now. i'm sure mike'll add more later! wait... mike? yup. it's me, nikki, updating for mike. haha. this is pretty much all the stuff that he's said to me about the past week and well, he hasn't blogged in a while so i thought i'd do him a favor. leave a comment! tell me if you could tell the difference! haha...

2004-07-11T17:55:00.000-05:00

hi.

so dang, been going out a lot lately. there always seems a reason to, at least recently, with all the birthdays and what not. and overall, it's been a really good time. it's a nice change from sitting around the apartment like a bum. not to say that i don't do that during the day on the weekend or when i'm done with class or what not. lately i've been all about the HGTV/trading spaces stuff for some reason. not to say that i don't watch the show ('cause i do), but i'm on this 'iwanttogetmyownapartmentanddeckitout' kick. if not that, then re-do my room at home. with parental fundage of course. otherwise, i'd much rather put the money elsewhere. anyway.

so back to going out. it's been a good time since i have dabbed into going out with people i haven't necessarily gone out with for like...a semester. and it felt really really good. especially yesterday, i really got a sense of how distant i had become to the people that meant a lot to me freshman year...and even first semester of last year. and for the first time i started to get this sense of reciprocation of feelings...like they actually missed me being around. which is nice. really nice actually. a big part of me actually considering deactivating was not because of my distance from the house and what not (granted that whole situation really played a big part in pushing me in that direction) but the fact that people didn't really seem to care that i wasn't around. guess you just have to go out there and see them to really know. and it's just awesome to run into people you haven't seen in forever. haha, julie, carly, and i were going to call diana and give her shit about not coming down this weekend. tisk tisk D. sometimes you just don't realize how many people in your life you haven't seen or talked to until you actually see them in person. i literally ran into maybe 20 people i hadn't kept in touch with (outside my fraternity...if you count them, it's crazy). so wtf. i need to find balance. 'cause right now, my life is not. granted, the whole greek reunion thing had a lot to do with my whole sudden realization, but i think i really needed that. i was beginning to lose sight as to who i really am. and that's a big no no. my uncle john has played a big part in me staying in the fraternity too. i look to him for a lot of advice, and more often than not, his opinions really make or break whether i do certain things. hell, a huge part in me even rushing was just 'cause he thought it would be good for me. and it really really was. i get reminded of all the good times i've had...and the good friends i've made. plus it's useful after you graduate. if i had deactivated by now, i would've been so depressed after this weekend.

more specifically...

pam and i talked for the first time in a long time last night, which was nice. i sincerely miss that friendship we used to have...even if she thinks that whole new years thing was a pseudo-mistake. oh well. but nonetheless, it was nice to know she missed the friendship too...i think...i dunno, she was drunk and so was i. we'll see what happens. still have to get sushi, haha. erin and i have met up a couple times while we were out, which was nice considering she was one of the first people i met on campus here...and she's really cool. surprised we haven't hung out more since she lives across the street, but hey it's cool. when you gonna try and win your five bucks back in pool? oh what? haha. brenda called me up this weekend too...didn't know she came down, but we met up after a little while just to say hi which was cool 'cause she'd always been there when i was down. too bad we didn't get to chill more, but there's always the year. michelle came down for greek reunion too, which was unexpected...but we are cool now. we caught up over lunch and then, since apparently you can see my room from the beer garden at station, met up. sorta creepy, but it's cool. honestly, she was a big part of me distancing myself, but also a part in convincing me to stay. if it wasn't for her, i probably wouldn't have seen how much people in the house actually care. especially since she's friends with so many of the 07s. i appreciate that. j tang! geez, i haven't seen you in forever man...but it was classic. we have so much to catch up on, but just going out to the bars with you again was awesome...even though you were really messed. the crazy rain made it all the better, lol. crazy garbage bag ponchos.

i miss my baby. it seems like forever since i've seen her and it doesn't look like we'll be able to see each other until like school starts. i'll have to find a time to come up there. i promise. if anything, i need to give you back your straightener and brush right? haha. just talking to her makes me smile from ear to ear, sigh. despite everything that has happened, i'm still crazy about you honey. yeh won pans! so crazy in love. oh oh oh oh we oh we oh. muah.

okay...so that was earlier today. now it's 9:30 at night. onwards! so i've done virtually nothing today in (perhaps foolish) anticipation of my baby coming to surprise me here, but alas, when she said she couldn't come, she really couldn't this time. and really, you can't discount my inclination to complete and utter laziness. anyway, i just finished watching high fidelity...a great movie in my opinion. i'm not the biggest john cusack fan, but in that movie, i really liked his role...and just the whole "flow" of the movie. for those of you that haven't seen it, i would recommend it. it makes me think about things that have happened to me in the past, specifically relationships, and how much they have affected me. if i had to go back and list my top five worst break ups...i'd have to say this (in no order whatsoever):
1. michelle lira. i think this one would probably be the most obvious to everyone. on top of it all i ended it. by the end, it really just wasn't right...although it was, in my opinion at least, an awesome relationship. i will never discount the affect she had on me, nor would i want to lose her friendship. i put this on my list of 5 worst break ups simply because she has played that huge part in my life...and all of a sudden it was gone. took awhile to really let go. at least now we are friends again.
2. eriko nagao. well this was my first attempt at a relationship after michelle. what a bomb. i tried to be everything that i wasn't with michelle, in a good way, but it ended up backfiring on me because she was a bitch. i tried to give her everything and she ended up cheating on me countless times. go figure. the good part about it is that i learned that you can't be jealous all the time. so thanks for that. ho.
3. allison chin. we didn't go out for a long time, but what really sucked about the whole thing was that we were best friends before it. in eighth grade we were both going out with different people, but they were always busy with their own things, so we would always hang out and talk about anything really. i don't think i'd ever forget the time we went to dairy queen at like 11 at night and walked around our block talking...and our parents didn't really mind it. point is, we went out after her and tom broke up 'cause we thought something was still there, but there wasn't. in the end, i lost a really good friend.
4. jennifer herzog. speaking of weird, allison was actually the one that broke us up FOR me. when i actually didn't even want to. she actually called jen when i was talking to her about our problems at my house. and i really didn't stop her. the tough part about it was, i actually really did like her...and our subsequent relationship in college kind of reflected that whole open-ended thing. except now, since she is still ruled by her strict ass parents, we don't talk 'cause she got mad that i called at maybe 10:30 at night. that's what going to college around home does to you. you never grow up.
5. jessica wetmore. she was the first girl that i've ever asked out. previous to her, i was always the one being asked. with her i started to shed a lot of the shyness that many of you who read my blog are completely unfamiliar with, but if i hadn't done that, i probably wouldn't know many of you anyway. so thank God. but we did this whole go out freshman year...then we took a break...ended up going out again. i guess the hard part of it was that after she came back from vacation, where we talked so much about how much we missed each other, when we finally got to see each other, there really wasn't that much chemistry(?) i guess? kinda threw me for a loop. the next day it was over.

i think the whole movie is all about looking back to look forward really. seeing how the past has affected you to really go and see who you are, and what you want to do with where you are right now. it's not about being completely righteous and pursuing your dreams or whatever because hey, how many of our dreams really involve six figure salaries? at least mine don't. and because of that fact, i keep them as hobbies. it's just about really appreciating where you are BECAUSE of your past. and i can honestly say that i am really happy about where i am with nikki. i've learned a lot from my past and have applied them to my present. hell, even people i haven't necessarily been in official relationships with/things have just happened with have taught me quite a bit. and although nikki and i have had our problems, the only thing i want to do is be with her right now.

2004-07-07T10:21:00.000-05:00

so the fourth of july weekend was amazing. all the bad things that were on my mind were just swept away since i got to spend time with nikki. got to meet some more of her fam...went swimming (which i haven't done in ages), and made cupcakes with her little cousins. good times good times. anyway, all was well in the world. on the way back to the lovely u of i, nikki and i stopped by to see lori's crib...and it was pretty cool i'd have to say. must be nice to have your own place sometimes. i finally got back to school at like midnight or something. so, until yesterday night i was on this complete high...absolutely nothing could bother me, and i was completely in love.

then news hits and i was like oh man. okay. can't say i'm not disappointed, 'cause i am. and hurt. and i find myself saying, oh it figures. happiness is never in my cards. but i mean, after a little bit of time to myself and having a conversation with my home fry adam, things definitely turned around...talked to the nikki again and we were joking around and everything was "peachy-keen"...wow...i just said that. anyway, i guess immediately after a fiasco like that, it isn't the best time to pull out your best sarcasm cards, and they came out flying. but i guess now everything is cool. i was never mad...i was simply disappointed and definitely hurt. but hey, it's cool. in the end, i still love her. am i getting walked on again? i hope not, but i trust her. anyway, what sucks is that i won't be seeing her for quite awhile...family vacation, cruise, etc...so that's like almost two months. eeek. but it's almost bittersweet 'cause when we do, it'll be right around the big six month mark. woot.

k, onto other things...

i was reading lori's blog (from real world) and yet again i find myself laughing and being like 'oh that's so true'. and then almost immediately after, i feel like a weirdo for reading her blog like some "iwanttomeetyoucauseyouareabsolutelygorgeousandseemreallyeasytotalkto-stalker" guy. nonetheless...she has good stuff to say. so there. eat it. okay, but onto what i agree about...i can't go to the mall and just BROWSE. i will never understand why you would want to just piss yourself off LOOKING at things that you obviously can't afford and want so bad. i just walk out of there feeling like wtf...why the hell did i want to feel like shit? this especially hits hard when you go there with a friend that has just gotten his/her paycheck and they are buying everything you want. that's the BEST. FRIGGIN BEST i tell ya! it makes me realize how long it's been since i've really bought a lot at the mall since i've dropped virtually everything into my car. do i regret it? no. do i wish i had more money to go to the mall and tear it up? fo shizzle.

so i visited some old bmw forums that i used to be pretty active in back in my high school days but haven't visited recently since their site had been down forever. wow. just reading some of the posts that i...posted...i was such a little dumbass. but i mean, it's cool now since i know 100x more than i used to 'cause i can teach all these noobs about their cars...and that's an awesome feeling. on top of that, i got a private message from the head moderator about getting free decals since i'm one of the top contributing members STILL since i posted so much back in the day, lol. saving $10 saweet. i remember this site is how i met a lot of the contacts that i have now...chris (who i bought my first exhaust from) and i have seen our cars literally transform...and pick up other ones...and compete for mods, lol. i met a lot of my e34 contacts (shragon, gamite) that opened me up to a lot of the other forums too. basically the start of a lot of networking...and a lot of knowledge. it really makes me appreciate how far i've come...and that the people that i started with have still not forgotten me.

okay, so i just got back from class a little while ago and i just wanted to comment on more stuff. have you ever read what people write on desks sometimes? well I do. anyway, so in 32 psych the desks are more like curved tables that a bunch of people can sit behind like this: (
and there's like 6 response buttons for some reason in front of each person (it's a wood part)...prolly 'cause back in the day it was a big experiment room or something. ANYWAY, so people write a lot on that wood part and i came across this today:

"optimists say anything is possible. they obviously haven't tried to slam a revolving door."

and i was like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. first because i imagined some guy wearing a white t-shirt that said 'optimist' in black capital letters trying to slam a revolving door...but secondly, i was like hey, what does that REALLY mean? does that mean that in essence, optimists are the biggest victims of the 'confirmation bias'? (meaning that they only see/address things that will justify their claims and ignore others) but really, isn't every philosopher? you wouldn't really have a philosophy if all you did was combat it with everything that opposes it. you'd just be an overanalytical, broke jerkface. or do optimists say something completely different about a revolving door? maybe like...the revolving door is a perfect example of 'anything is possible'. conventional doors have a definite end...this revolving door represents a break in this convention...a breakthrough...evidence that anything IS possible. it is not MEANT to be slammed like conventional doors because it is its own entity with different properties. it is the door further down the evolutionary scale. to the writer of that quote on the desk they would probably ask, then what do you say to the doors that automatically open and close? without optimists such a concept would be 'impossible' and we would all resort to conformity. or would they simply just take the comment with a coke and a smile and be on their merry ways? OR maybe just because they SAY that anything is possible, they really don't mean it. maybe they are just the biggest bullshitters in the world and because everyone is so quick to believe what they hear, we believe them. maybe they just say that to make the world seem like a nicer, easier place to live than it really is...because without that, what would inspire people to go out and try to invent new things...to improve on the improved? even further, maybe they HAVE tried to slam a revolving door. then went home and cried when they couldn't (then subsequently changed their philosophy...and lo! pessimism is invented). maybe the writer just didn't know that they actually tried. OR...(sorry y'all) maybe the definition of 'slam' is just different for the revolving door. maybe the action of the rubber ends of each facet of the door itself hitting the edges of the surround is slamming. who knows. MAYBE THE OPTIMISTS! maybe your MOM. what's funny is that at the end of this blog originally i put 'mcworld' at the bottom...a mcdonalds stunt alluding to the fact that anything is possible...and just for the sake of it (and irony) it'll stay there.

mcworld!

2004-07-04T02:10:00.000-05:00

alright. hello again! so lets catch you all up. summer school has been stressing me out lately simply because both of my tests were on the same day. unexpected. luckily, i felt really confident on one of my tests (cognitive), so i got to focus a little bit more attention on neuro. bleh. i'd have to say the best part of that hellish week was the fantabulous dinner that nikki made for the two of us. mmm mmm mmm. most sweet and most excellent. onwards.

so tonight i went and saw the terminal with my dad, sister, and adam. i'd have to say it was a really good movie, despite all the bad reviews...what do they know anyway? catherine zeta jones is absolutely gorgeous. wow. anyway...what really pissed me off about the whole situation was a group of really obnoxious kids sitting behind us. geez, you would think they were five. seriously. i'd much rather have a big group of pre-teen girls screaming OMG OMG through the whole movie than bunch of ghetto punk ass high school rejects with no future sitting behind us making stupid remarks. grow up. it's people like that that make me nervous...especially about my sister. i swear, if they had made some sort of comment towards her, i would've lost it. those piece of shits don't even deserve to look at her. sidenote...again with the punk ass kids. prank call of two kids singing "get low". it's fucking four in the morning. don't you have anything better to do? apparently not. i'll see you fuckers at the pick up window at mcdonalds in a couple years.

so onto the car. finally got my m5 console piece, but 1. it doesn't fit exactly right and 2. it's the wrong color because m5s didn't come in parchment interior. SO...i'm having it dyed 'cause it's that cool. in the meantime i have the regular piece. picked up my e36 m3 shift lever today, but i didn't have time to install it, so hopefully i can do it in a couple weeks. on top of it all, adam and i finished my trunk yesterday. looks CLEAN and awesome. i'm definitely very happy. thanks bro. :) from all this new goodness, i only got about three hours of sleep...woke up...and hit up the garage and cleaned like crazy. i swear, the interior looks practically brand new...and i have before and after pics to prove it, haha.

i don't think that i've ever been so confused in my entire life. at times i could feel like i'm on top of the world, and yet others, i feel like it is my destiny to get hurt and be disappointed. and i mean, this isn't just the relationship realm, but just everything. get something for the car, something goes wrong. wonderful. feel like i'm bonding really well with the 'rents for once, nope...the next day we fight. i don't think i've ever been pulled in so many directions and felt so many emotions all at once. as a result, i'm just ultra-sensitive and ultra-paranoid about everything. which really sucks because it doesn't really help remedy the situation, it just makes things even worse because i'm so preoccupied being worried that i 1. don't understand things 2. overlook things or 3. skimp on effort and just lay there pretending/hoping everything will be okay. i'm just really vulnerable right now. and really, i've bottled up all my other problems because i didn't think they would make it any easier for anyone else to deal with, but in turn, it's just left me torn up inside. i think working on my car, despite all the standard frustrations, gives me some sort of release. guitar helps me clear my mind too.

it's tough to find who to listen to as well because nobody knows the whole story, no matter how much you try to explain it, there will still be no one clear solution. and that is, ultimately, what everyone is looking for. i mean legally, yeah, i'm an adult, but that doesn't mean i don't need some emotional training wheels. i am seriously messed sometimes. and not only is it an issue to find someone to listen to, but also someone you can trust. wow, how many times have i just trusted freely and just gotten romped. too many. too many. my dad always used to say i trust too much. but isn't that something you have to do in some cases? or will i just end up getting stomped on again. who knows. only time will tell. in the meantime, i will still put my trust in people. most people.

i really miss hanging out with some people...or just even talking. i've lost touch with basically all of my fraternity brothers especially on my impending deactivation...which really sucks 'cause it has been a huge part of my life. all because of how expensive it is, i can't acknowledge that anymore, since they frickin' take it all away. i miss cafe paradiso nights. i miss hanging out with D watching real world or road rules...and laaaaaaaaaaaater. i miss shooting the breeze with jim and paul outside our rooms in bromley. come to think of it, i miss the whole 9th floor crew. i miss going out and getting crazy with j tang...and trying to desperately 'get swoll' with d roh. i miss erin, marissa, and you can't forget rama...crazy kid. i miss josh and his extended vowels and calling me a fucker. i miss hanging out and chillin with babsie like i used to. and dancer...what the hell happened there? sucks. we were like best friends...and now it's like we barely talk to each other. i miss maritess and mariko...and kyle and steve. it's just absolutely nuts how close and how distant you can get with people sometimes. hope it can all level out soon. until the next episode.

2004-06-26T12:10:00.000-05:00

postal service - nothing better

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye
_________________

i love getting hurt everybody. don't do anything wrong apparently, and yet, am always the one getting hurt. trying to help was never a waste of time and energy. i will love you always.

2004-06-22T10:17:00.000-05:00

damn, so i can't even wait twelve hours before i feel the need to blog again. is that bad? anyway, so a lot of things on my mind right now. first of all...

friendships. again? yes, but this time i'm not bitching. after getting some sense knocked into me about how hypocritical i can be sometimes, especially when i'm mad, i've started to reevaluate a lot of things about my friends. i miss the times where everyone just got along, but i'm weary as to whether that is even possible anymore. with some, i feel like i can start to forgive (but not forget) and restart the friendship. with others, i feel like all my efforts won't take me past all the bullshit. they will be tainted for a long time. i think it's save to say of the four people i've had beef with, i can honestly see myself considering them friends again.

post-college life. oh man. could there be anything more bittersweet? it's either you get into grad school or you don't...and if you don't it comes down to whether you have a job or not...and if you don't get a job, whether you try and find one completely out of your field or jump back into school. it seems increasingly evident that the reality of the post-college world is hit or miss. i look at some of the stuff that people are buying when they have stable jobs straight out of college and i'm floored. makes me want to work a couple years after my undergrad so i can finish my godforsaken project car. and then buy a 330i zhp daily driver. but anyway. seriously though. i have found that this 'graduate with a psychology degree and work for a couple years to eventually start a business' thing is becoming the way to go. do i hear another 'i told you so' from brandon? i think so. it helps that people see the business side in me. and it won't hurt to have that psychology background and web skills. just a matter of what kind of business. if i do this, i think that i'd have the time to start investing intellegently for once. i have to start talking to my dad's boss's husband to see how he plays the real estate game. always gotta have side incomes.

my car. you know, through all the frustration, i'm still so proud of where it is today. if you were to look at it when i first got it when i turned sixteen, i don't think anybody would have thought it would be where it is today. especially because my first instinct was to sell it to get an integra. good thing i didn't...i would've been kicking myself. but seriously, i look at the other e34 bmw enthusiasts and they are all older...i feel priveleged to be a part of that community and already have my car on very firm ground in terms of progress. now eurotek, on the other hand, seems to have a lot of new kids on the block with a lot of money to throw around. i feel that a lot of technical information is being diluted with body kits and the glamour of hre wheels. granted, the people that i do connect and associate with do have a great deal of tech knowledge and it's nice to be able to talk to them rather than 'dood, when you gonna throw some hot body kit on your car? it looks old.' never bitch. and it IS old. it's thirteen years old. but it's mine and i'd take it over a million other new cars. so shove off. now i'm not saying that ALL of eurotek is like that. in fact, when i do go to the car meets i love it. it's an awesome time with some siiiiick cars, but after going to a meet and getting that attitude from some of the new blood it made me sick.

working out. okay seriously. i need a good kick in the ass to motivate me. or a picture of the beach permanently glued to my ceiling so when i wake up, that's all i'd see. but it'd probably fall down 'cause that's just how it is. pish. not like i go to the beach anyway. shoe. but the point is, i need to work out. i think this long hair is getting to me...making me want to just go all 'artsy fartsy emo sensitive poet with an acoustic guitar' on yo' asses. AND as much as i think everyone hates it, i'm keeping it...today at least. i'm sure as soon as it pisses me off enough, it'll be gone. and then maybe i'll be like grr...lets work out! but who knows. need money to GET a haircut before i can even consider it an option.

sidenote:
awesome pictures.

anyway.

man. i should just shut up already.

one.

2004-06-21T20:45:00.000-05:00

well. hello there. so today i suddenly felt inspired to dip into some flash...and low and behold, i now have a flash intro page. woot. figure it's about time to practice still i am webmaster anyway. so there.

i still haven't gone out since i've been here. i guess a part of me just isn't in the mood to still. plus haven't a shortage of money doesn't necessarily make it any easier. call it maturing or call it broke. whatever tickles your fancy more i guess.

so i thought i'd be all motivated and gung-ho about the whole getting back into shape thing...just isn't happening just yet. i mean i went once with jill last week, and it was productive...and i worked out once with nikki when i was home...which was most excellent as well...but there's absolutely no consistency. i think the only thing i've been putting my energy towards is my car. and maybe my blog. which reminds me...i should snap some pics of my car for my new subpage...wow i'm such a dork.

so the car. i was going to get the beloved racing dynamics sway bars off this guy on my message board, but he ended up selling them with the car...so boo on that. plus, since i left home in anger on friday, i couldn't sell my old dtm exhaust and pick up my e36 m3 shift lever. on the plus side, i sent patrick bmw a picture so that they can finally get the right part for me...they were finally be able to track it down...and promised to get it to me by friday. woot. FINALLY a bomb ass e34 m5 shift console and shifter boot. anybody get what i'm saying?

anyway, class is going well so far. today went by really fast for some reason, and i'm sure just because i said that, the rest of the week will be ridiculously slow. good one mike! dumbass.

i guess since i'm getting increasingly more boring...someone please buy my stuff! i have a 10gb ipod for sale w/accessories and a royce 5-piece drumset w/lots of hardware and extras. im me for more info/if you're interested/for a price. thanks in advance!

oooh...funny link. the ad shows a 2003 murcielago as 'slightly used w/121 miles garage kept'. plus it has a 'small brake problem'. scared to see what a BIG brake problem would be.

anyway, i think it may be time to be productive in some sense of the word...so until later, i bid you all farewell.

2004-06-20T14:36:00.000-05:00

good day. bad day. good day. bad day. i think that's how my life works now. thursday i really can't complain about. i was all good from the night before at jill's...had a good talk with bon bon...and then headed home. nice chill evening. then friday. didn't pass emissions...mom was being a bitch...instability where i needed stability. went to see dodgeball, which was okay, but i was totally fifth wheeled. hated it. so after the whole deal, i drove to nikki's...which was amazing. saturday was our 4 month anniversary so i spent the night and then spent the whole day with my baby. i definitely needed to be with her...i was instantly a lot happier. all the crap in the world just went away. seemed like the weekend was a big hey lets watch movies weekend...which i think i needed. it went something like this...dum de dum...dooooodgeball...bum cha choo...fight cl-uuuuuub...and ended like...la la la stepford wives. too bad a classroom full of 'eleven-teen' year-olds were sitting in front of us during stepford. i'm so glad my sister isn't like that. GOD that's annoying.

today...isn't going well so far. nikki can't come down next weekend...i've lost all motivation to work out...and i don't feel like dealing with stupid shit about my car. on top of everything else, i feel guilty about not being home on father's day...since it was the biggest reason i wanted to go home last weekend. but what can you do if your mom is a jerk? nothing. i feel like i want to take all this negative energy and turn it into something creative...but i'm just not feeling the spark just yet. what to do...what to do.

i picked up my guitar for the first time in a long time and boy...i need to practice again. since i left all pissed off on friday i completely forgot my capo...so i can't play certain songs...and lets not forget my headset that is sitting in my basement right now. woot.

seriously, when i go home to all that bullshit, it makes me remember why i decided to stay in champaign over the summer. it also makes me just want to move away RIGHT away after i graduate. how come it always comes down to the fact that they are always right and we are always wrong? what is that? they are just as confusing as we are. whatever. i just have a feeling it's going to be one of those days. at this point i'm in this 'i want to do anything to piss my mom off even more' mood...but what really sucks is that i'll end up pissing my dad off 'cause he does whatever she says. so i think i'll hold off on that. like i want to call home and be like hey, happy father's day...but in my head i know it's going to lead to this stupid lecture that i'm not in any mood to hear. then i'll probably just say fuck everything and go out and destroy myself. so...i'm in a bind.

i think the only way i can get out of this rut is just through some good 'ol fashioned creative expression. time to break out the sketch pad, guitar, and digicam.

2004-06-12T04:39:00.000-05:00

okay. i think i have a problem. it seems like the only time i update this thing is at like five in the morning. but anyway...lots of things on my mind right now.

the car situation: so the 5-speed project is still up in mid-air as to whether it will be done by tomorrow. if not, then i have no idea how i'd get back down to school...unless he'd be willing to work on it sunday morning (which is highly unlikely). still saving all my emotional reactions to the swap for AFTER i get the car. i know the moment i get excited, something more will go wrong. on top of everything else, the shifter console/boot didn't come in today, so i'm having it shipped to u of i and just installing it there. still need to do a much needed oil change, coolant flush, and power steering fluid. ack. oooh. and finish up the box for my trunk.

the future: wow. i have no idea. to be honest, it seems like i'm looking waaaay ahead sometimes and other times just barely a few minutes in front of me. sometimes i just feel driven to succeed not only for myself, but to make sure when i have kids...i never have to say 'God, i wish i could give that to you' but can't. i never want to be discouraged like that. i mean, i've always been a very competitive person. and this is really no exception. it's just a matter of finding where monetary success equates my job satisfaction and happiness. i just don't know.

clothes: so i FINALLY went to the mall today. at first, i can admit i was really disappointed. but by the end of it all, i ended up going over my budget. and probably to everyone's surprise, the stuff that i'm returning all comes from hollister. whooooaaa. yes, that's right. returning something from hollister. just haven't been very impressed lately i guess. after a good four hours of mall-ing, i still want to buy so much more stuff. welcome back compulsive shopper personality that i thought i got rid of.

siblings: honestly, no matter how many times your parents will try and shape your siblings to not make the same mistakes as their 'guinnea pig kids'...like myself, they will always do the same thing. gotta be discouraging for the parents, but for me, i finally go...damn. that IS really annoying. is it really that hard just to listen? i guess i can see where the whole 'you're gonna be just like your parents when you grow up' thing comes from. has anybody ever noticed that? we start to get annoyed with the same hooda that they get annoyed with...and then pretty soon it snowballs into talking, walking, and just overall...BEING just like them. scary thought. but there is definite truth there.

fraternity: oh man. so i will forever be in debt to them...monetarily. question is..how do i convince my dad that $800/semester is a worthwhile cause? i have no idea. in the long term scheme of things, there are possible connections, resume builders, and friendships there. in the short term, i don't go to any exchanges really and spend that much time at the house. but do i really need to? i'm a part of them nonetheless. and would my 'rents rather shell out that dough so i can go on exchanges and dilly dally around the frat house all day...or actually think of it as something beneficial to my future? exactly. i never want to deactivate...although i do admit it is a hefty sum, i think the pros outweigh the cons. aside from making few, but awesome friendships...how can you put a price on getting connections to a great job or grad school?

real world: i've rekindled my love for the show after watching a couple episodes today. i've definitely been out of the loop for awhile...it was nice to just sit down and absorb. just now i was actually looking at real world/road rules blogs...'cause yano...i'm a freak. i guess it all just kinda started back in the day with lori's page...for obvious reasons...but it's really interesting to see what the cast members have done with their lives since the end of the show. i'm curious to see how the san diego cast follows suit. especially jamie. i still want to be on that show desperately. how cool would that be? maybe one day some fan will read my blog and be like hey, cool. but until then...i'll just sit back and admire. you know, i never really put it together that the current casts on real world and road rules are basically my age now. growing up i was always like wow, they are so much older than me...but now, they are all like 20. how crazy is that? i guess they just always look/seem older. or maybe i'm just stuck in the past. who knows.

alright, well it's REALLY late now. i could go on forever...but then what would i post about tomorrow?

g'night everyone!

2004-06-07T02:11:00.000-05:00

boy. so i pulled my second successful all-nighter of all time (my first ALONE). and why? so i could DL a bunch of music. worth it? hell yeah! i think i DLed like the whole decade of the 80s. anyway, so a lot of changes in the blogger world for me. steph's revamp inspired me to design a new page and some phatty graphics. i FINALLY uploaded some pics too. woot. so the whole all-nighter thing made me wake up at 4:30 today. in the afternoon. pseudo waste of a day, but hey...it was definitely a good time.

so, the 5-speed swap happens wednesday. still can't believe that it's actually going through. i couldn't be happier. damn. now it's really just a matter of ordering my wheel spacers, touching up the paint, changing out all the fluids, and installing my m5 front bumper/trunk lid spoiler. all minor things compared to the swap...so no big deal. still a matter of convincing my dad that it's okay to have the car down there in the first place. soooooo much more convenient. plus, since i did fairly well last semester, maybe it's a little incentive. maybe.

frickin' summer school is right around the corner. that SUCKS. i know originally i didn't want to leave, but i have a lot of things that i want to finish here, yano? you kind of just get into a groove...and you're stuck. on top of everything else, my job pays like wow compared to everything else on campus. so i'll be missing that.

so i got my new laptop. cha-ching! yeah...it's the exact same one as nikki's...'cept with 60GB instead of 80. can't really complain...since it was only $850. such a deal! now we match laptops, lol. cute or sick? you make the choice. i think we're cool...so shove off!

i dunno what it is, but lately i've really been feeling the creative juices-a-flowin'. a little photography here and there...new graphics for the site...new writings. maybe it's the emo music...no i'm not depressed...it's just good music. is it the ridiculously long hair? is it the plastic-framed glasses adam let me try out to see if i liked them? who knows. but i like it.

oh, speaking of...okay, doesn't really relate to anything...but i called jasmine trias a little while ago, lol. granted, it was the answering machine...but it was still cool. it would actually be REALLY cool if she came down...errr...up for FACT next year. and also if we could do our spoken word piece. hint. woot.

i finally saw shrek 2 w/my sis, mark, and adam. HILARIOUS movie. hilarious. too bad my sis fell asleep. whaaaaaaaaaaaaat. i actually ran into jenny's sister there too...just kinda waved hi in passing...prolly should've been less rude...God, i suck at saying hi when i'm surprised to see someone. oh yeah, and i saw blake for the first time in a long time too...that was pretty cool. naturally, he was with sheri. again, surprised to see someone...suck at saying hi.

anyway, paragraphing this blog is making it seem a lot longer than it probably is...but whatever. fare-thee-well for now.

2004-05-28T19:24:00.000-05:00

holy wow. i haven't posted in so long that blogger had changed the layout to their site. geez. anyway, so a lot to catch up on i suppose. lately, i admit i've been somewhat of a loner...trying to focus on my car project, but i've been pretty good. i think the most i've spent going out lately this summer was like...the $10 at lou malnati's and a $7 waste of money seeing kill bill 2. but otherwise, it's been coffee nights at dennys...woot. $2. i think this is the first summer that i've actually successfully budgeted my money. maybe it's because i have a really hardcore goal in mind. or maybe i just am getting smarter. but probably the former. i'm still a bit weary as to how everything in my bimmer is going to go. at first, it all seems very promising, but you know how that all goes. always seems to turn around somewhere. on top of it all, i have to go back to school soon to start some good 'ol summer school action. yippee. looks like i'll be coming back at least the first couple weekends to either get things started, pick up somewhere in the middle, or just pick up the car. or maybe i'll just start a whole new project with it...can't rule that out completely. sheesh. after looking at all the mods i've done...i've done A LOT...although it doesn't seem so.

anyway, so home life. didn't expect to get into an argument until, well...like now. but after about a week at home i was like k, i want to go back. doesn't look like anything with the car is happening, so i'll just give up for now. but things have been looking up lately...which is what usually happens...then i don't wanna go back...and then i get all sad that i have to leave my home fries again.

ooooh...so my birthday! it was nice...nikki and i went to chinatown...ate...met up with erwin for some bubble tea...then i called up my friend brandon and we ended up chillin' at his new place...which was a great time. steph and nikki really hit it off, which was really awesome. they actually inspired the whole cooking thing...we made some burgers...chicken...and they surprised me with a nice birthday cake! woot! it was definitely really sweet. brandon and i got to talk again too...which is always good...threw around car ideas and what not. definitely inspires me to do the right thing with my car...and with life for that matter. considering i really have no knowledge beyond medicine, it's nice to know that i have someone to turn to to get some psych advice and what not. plus, he has a really good business sense that may definitely come in handy later, eh? anyway, i can't believe that i'm 20. eek. sounds so old. two decades. 361 days until my legal drinking age. crazy. five more years until cheaper insurance. woot. anyway, on the actual DAY of my birthday, nikki and i chilled basically the whole day...which was just amazing to have her with me. then adam came over...we all went to bob chinn's for some fantabulous seafood...and then i had to drive nikki home. after that all, mark came by and watched me and adam duke it out on the sega saturn. ULTIMATE MORTAL KOMBAT 3 BABY! haha. and then we went to dennys. thanks y'all for the birfday luv! i appreciate it :)

eurotek car meet. wow. lots of new faces. which is good...just a slap in the face saying hey, you haven't been here in like a year...wtf. but it was cool...got to catch up with some of the old school people...me and chris are waiting to unveil our old school projects 'til later...although i'm sure that his is much further along than mine. damn school owns me. lots of young spoiled kids with new M3's...or two for that matter. not to say that i'm not spoiled, but it seems like everyone and their mom's these days in eurotek have two cars. after going to that i really felt re-inspired to work harder for things i want for the car...especially considering i only have like a good two weeks before i have to head back down south for some school action. see, it's times like this that make me want to just finish school, you know? start making some money. like real money. but whos to say what will happen when i get back.

my room. so my room...is so shiety. i was laying in bed today...looking around...and seriously, i USED to have at least a color scheme, but after the wood dresser and mirror...nothing fits anymore. i've been wanting to re-do it forever, but i don't think it's one of those investments my parents are necessarily keen on putting money into so readily. but hey, wouldn't it make me want to come home more? no? i guess 'cause maybe my plans are a bit...whoa. but i guess i'm just sick of the ordinary. woot. speakling of rooms...i can't wait to 1. get back and see my cool apartment. and 2. i can't wait to actually have my own place (in the city)...like in lincoln park...'cause i love it there. finally a chance to decorate however i want to...and to live in the city. awesome. not that i want to be a big loner or whatever...if anyone wants to move to the city after we graduate get at me, haha.

so i really have to stop saying that i'm gonna get back into shape and actually do it. i'm still deflating...and that's bad considering i've been deflating for like 3 months. eek. someone motivate me. doesn't help that forest grove stopped giving summer passes to college kids. buggers.

anyway, almost 8 pm...and it looks bright as day. that's awesome. maybe a nice drive is in order. until next time!

2004-05-05T12:35:00.000-05:00

so for some reason today i woke up...groggy at first, naturally...but feeling the need to say something...anything really. lets just...free write. i miss my home fries and my cronies from last year...or even last semester. hence, the j tang and me pic. yes, i know j tang is not the only friend i had last year, but i didn't have a digicam back then so pish. it's just weird to think how you can become so close to some people one year, and then the next barely talk to each other. i really hope that never happens to my group of friends this year...and frankly i don't see that happening, but you never knowl. it always brings me back to how much i keep changing. maybe they are all the same...maybe i'm just the one that keeps on throwing everyone for a loop. who knows.

i can't wait for the summer. i think besides actually getting back to working on my car and what not, i'll have time to get back to some things i've definitely been putting on hold this whole semester. music. i don't think i've picked up my guitar...or played any of the instruments i play in forever. and that's sad. i charcoaled once this semester...and surprisingly, it wasn't all that bad. but yeah, all the ways that i used to express myself back when i was too shy to say anything...i'm losing touch with just 'cause i continually use words more and more to convey what i want to say/what i'm thinking. but there's really just something about music and art that sometimes makes it all the more meaningful. and also it seems of late that i suck at talking...i can never find the right words for some reason. on top of it all, i get to chill w/my sis more. we're finally getting close and it's awesome...although i wish i could be around more when shiz gets crazy at home. oh, i'm broke again. yay. all the "generosity" of my 'rents was blown on rent, PSA stuff, and other expenses. wasn't even that i ate that much...hell, i didn't even go to the grocery.

the undergrad smelled so rank yesterday. like...imagine the worst smell in the world...and it was worse. we at first were thinking it was like the agricultural fields, but oh no. it was the undergrad. it has BO. like my roommate. rubie, erwin, and i were trying to get some work done for our anthro project when it subtlely hit us. so we decide to move, right? so we're walking towards the exit but it's getting STRONGER. wtf. so the original plan was to hit up the 'cafe' part...where i see a girl sitting there, reading with her shirt covering her nose. i'm thinking, oh...maybe it's not so bad if she can sit there and bear it. WHOOOOOOOOA...no. it was horrible. like...i could've died horrible. i think my eyes rolled to the back of my head just then. so we're walking up the stairs in agony...finally make it outside to some fresh air. woot. i couldn't THINK for like a minute after that whole thing. whew.

i dunno, all the drama and what not lately has left me today in this...hey fuck you sort of mood. but it's not that mood where you see it on the surface...it's more like that second layer. so if someone pisses you off, you're like hey fuck you. i guess drama is unavoidable really...but it seems like whenver things seem to be going well, are going well, or you just aren't thinking about all the bad...it hits you. sort of like the rank smell at the undergrad. and it's like this...WOOOOOOOOSH once it does. it's like all the bad stuff is just this really, really good stalker that follows you around so well that you don't even notice it most of the time and you can just be happy. dun dun dun. no. that's when it goes no freakin' way and slaps you in the back of the head. then you say...hey fuck you. yeah, it's like that.

season finale of the OC tonight. how am i possibly following what i just said with something like this? free write...free write. i want to be on that show. and real world. damn. i have not kept up with that show at all this year...and it really sucks 'cause 1. it's a great show. and 2. jamie is hot. speaking of that, you know in 40 days 40 nights? the girl that is oggled for the whole movie (his ex gf) is not hot. great movie, just i think they needed a better character 'cause i found myself being like...uh, no...not hot. no. no, you're wrong. stop it. open your eyes. oh well. completely unrelated, but i find myself wanting to get to know some people a lot better, but it seems like the feeling isn't reciprocal. just as friends mind you. just to make casual conversation and what not seems like a stretch, but i guess there MUST be some reason why they don't open up. or maybe i smell bad, who knows. anyway, i'm out. rant is over. return to your regularly scheduled programs.

2004-05-04T03:56:00.000-05:00

yet another reason to buy a BMW

so it's nearing 4 in the morning again...and here i am starting a blog. what is going on here? actually, it's called "taking a break from a paper that will turn into a long ass tangent about my life so that i can focus better later on when i actually get back to it" blog. yes. so today started off grossly unproductive. a long day at beckman lab with no subjects left me sitting in front of the computer talking on AIM wishing i was at home. BUT alas...nikki shows me up with her phat new webpage. so, to no avail, i hop on over to my website...realize i can't do too much damage from the lab computers...and surrender to coming up with new designs for the PSA website. woot! graphics are fun, haha. after that whole deal, erwin came by for american idol...nikki and i made some dinner and we all chilled. t'was nice. then...BAM! sudden rush of productivity talking about the anthro paper. much, much needed. after that i breathed a big sigh of relief. --sigh-- only to find out that the EALC project that i thought was due friday...was due tomorrow. oh.........fuck. so i bust out the books...finish the first part of the project...ain't no thang --brushes dirt of shoulder-- and proceed to chill. needless to say, this chilling process has been going on for like...an hour and a half now. wtf. anyway, lets recap.

so nikki and i went to indianapolis this weekend to visit my uncle john and it was a BLAST. it was definitely nice to get away from the campus for a lil' vacation, haha. we tried our hand at duckpin bowling, which is like bowling...but with tiny pins and a bowling ball the size of a shotput...with no holes. you would think hey...so much easier...you just have to roll the ball on down. no. they even give you THREE trys instead of two 'cause they know it's just...that...hard. check it out here. on top of it all, i got my broke ass laptop back. at least now it's not all virus-ridden, but the monitor is still all messed and i still have to finesse the sound thing for it to work. but otherwise...it's like brand new, lol.

i really can't wait for this week to be over. i think with the EALC project due tomorrow...err...later today...it really makes things a lot more managable. now after i turn that puppy in it'll be mad style chillin'...for like...five minutes...and then finishing up our anthro presentation. gotta love crunch time. anyway, nikki's whole "i'm better than you" site is making me jealous...maybe it's time to really see what this flash thing is all about. as for now, peas.

2004-04-29T02:18:00.000-05:00

okay, so why did i post these pics like i am some narcissist? maybe 'cause i am...OR NOT. here's the story behind the pics. okay, so picture this. nikki and i are at IHOP...and we order thinking everything is dandy. i pick up my usual stuffed french toast and choose to sub the meats for some classic filipino corned beef hash business and nikki does the same 'cause of the pork business. HOWEVER...for some reason, this time the request cannot be made. we sat and pondered this injustice for HOURS...or maybe like 10 seconds...and came to the conclusion that the lady probably thought i was like some thug or something 'cause i was wearing my hat slightly to the side. note the pics. do i look like a thug? or maybe it was 'cause she thought i was a 10-year old boy that could be ripped off. maybe she was just jealous that i had a star on my hat and she never got a gold star in school like all the other cool kids. who knows. the point is, we had to change our order just so we could get our corned beef hash and still stay under $18. and we did it...despite whatever her problem was with me wearing a hat. word. onward! so PSA elections part deux were today. i had forgotten to submit my platform the night before, but hey...i was still allowed to run. came up with a 'fancy shmancy' html-type design to run for webmaster (how deviously clever...deviously? what?) and i actually ended up winning. woot. don't let the periods fool you. i actually really am excited to be on the board for next year. and after all that contemplation, webmaster is actually a really good fit for me 'cause i can still contribute a lot of my ideas and do my own thing at the same time. just gotta learn the really complicated stuff from master ryne and alex. thanks y'all for voting! so ading's and nona's b-day was tuesday...ooof, was that a good time? i would think so. good times all around. to put the icing on the cake, the cast of better luck tomorrow was at clybourne too, so i had the opportunity to talk to them before they jet out of town. they were really down to earth and chill...i really liked that...i felt like i was talking to my friends...really awesome famous friends, but friends nonetheless. i mean, how often does that happen? i felt so starstruck. should've asked if i could make a cameo or start acting in some of their movies, haha. that'd be amazing! today was absolutely beautiful. despite the wind and everything, the day was glorious. no class (anthro cancelled). a robot fell on the quad after getting pushed over by the wind. a lot of us just ended up chilling on the quad. and...i won an iPOD. yes, i actually do already have one, but damn...what are the chances? oh, and FYI...i'm selling my old one so...yeah. haha. so...AAA nightlife barcrawl tomorrow night. not going. yeah, so i paid for a bandana...but i realize that i really can't because of all the school work i have to do first. so blah. oh well. not that big of a deal. i've decided i want to sign up for second session of summer and come home for the first month so i can work and make my car decent again. so woot. i think a month would just be enough time to burn myself out at home and be good to go back. but anyway, i feel this blog is turning boring, so i shall cut it off here. cut! okei peas (and carrots).

2004-04-25T02:47:00.000-05:00

ah, karla. post-psa fashion show pic, lol. priceless.

so i probably should be sleeping right now, but i feel the need to update. so i went out on thursday night...woot! it was nice to go out again with the 'ol crew and psa peeps at the same time...haven't gone out w/a lot of other people lately, so it was nice to catch up. steph's b-day! woot. so i went over thurr when nikki had to go to musical and helped decorate...and ate...and critiqued the 'penis cake' that caroline and my ate were making. oh! yes, i have an ate and a kuya now. holla! juvy and gabe! woot. so after the big surprise, we chilled...did the party thang (pics are up HERE)...and then we were off to get ready for the night. we all ended up going to urbanite, the dance2xs show and watch some REALLY awesome performances. dance2xs italy was SO HOT. it was cool to see maritess again...you should've gone to u of i! her and her friend eric from 2xs - purdue actually crashed at my place...so it was like vicariously becoming a 2xs member. haha. in the morning i went over to IHOP with them to meet up with some of their team and then we hit up the 2xs workshop. oh...wow. i haven't danced...let alone done much physical activity as of late, so it was a rude awakening, but it was amazing. definitely was inspiring to see pat (founder of dance2xs) move...his control is amazing. after that, i hit up pintig @ the courtyard cafe. the performance was something i really didn't expect...prolly 'cause i really didn't know what it was going to be about, but it turned out to be very moving. especially because i could relate to some of it being a 2nd generation filipino. woot. then...it was home for me, where i suddenly hit this cleaning and cooking mode. wow, this entry is boring. anyway, i suck at blogging. i'll come back with better material, i promise. i just wanted to update y'all on my life. peas.

2004-04-20T16:22:00.000-05:00

awww...
a lil' pic from easter weekend - my cousin jenna, me, and my cousin lauren

some funny [ha ha] movies for your visual enjoyment:

bridget and rodel - quad 101 style

bridget and rodel - more quad 101

wow...so today was really...interesting. it was absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside. i didn't have class on the quad today, which actually sucked 'cause i couldn't just go and bask in the glory that was this 80 degree day...so i went out there later on just to read and study after watching monsters inc. (hilarious movie by the way). i was pleasantly surprised...as i was reaching for my code red, a bunny came over and was chillin' by me. so me and him had a nice little mental conversation 'bout what i was reading and how he came to be on the quad and what not (yes. i am weird.) anyway, the point is, it was cool that a bunny just came over and chilled with me. i finally worked out too...woot! thank God for rodel and thara...otherwise i would still be on my way to becoming a fat ass. oh...and another first for this semester...went to grainger (a.k.a g-unit). woot? i was actually pretty productive when i was actually sitting down and working. on top of everything else, i got my haircut...pretty productive day i'd say.

my horoscope:
today is a 7 - start winding down the operation, and don't overshoot your mark. your energy level is dimishing, and there are complications ahead. proceed with caution.

well, okay...maybe the operation is the whole PSA election thing...and after losing publicity, i am going to shift my focus to assisting steph and bridget w/fashion show...if that all works out. but is that overshooting my mark? my energy level is dimishing like wow...especially 'cause i'm partially sick. complications? oh yes...yes you can definitely say that. makes me doubt a lot of things and really feel like poo. depressing. i just love how when you think things are going really well, the world notices and turns it right back around on you. that's cool.

"i'm confused can you make me understand
cause I tried to give you the best of me
i thought we were cool maybe i was blind
but never took time to see

can u help me?
tell me what you want from me
can u help me?
tell me why you want to leave
baby help me
without you my whole world is falling apart
and i'm going crazy! life's a prison when you're in love alone"
.:usher - can you help me

yeah. seemed to really come out of nowhere. but i guess we'll wait and see what the whole outcome of the situation is. nothing has officially gone completely to shit...but i guess i'm preparing for the worst...as always. i'll occupy myself with trying to get back into shape, school work, and whatever else in the meantime. just makes me glad i didn't make any brash decisions about changing my living arrangements for next year or deactivating. anyway, i have nothing more to say. things will look up eventually. hopefully tomorrow is a 9 or something. oh...it's 3 in the morning...and it's 4/20. you know what that means... woot. peas.

okay...more to add since i said i updated on 4/20 anyway...here's the 4/20 part.

so the day started all shitty...rainy and such. bad mood just kept going all day basically. i tried to play pool to get my mind off of things, but it really didn't help much at all...so i guess no pool tourney for me.

horoscope for today: "today is a 5. the consequences of your actions must be faced before you proceed. that simply means tallying up your wins and losses. it's good to keep score."

i guess i'll update more later today. maybe i'll just have to go out after working out and such. do be do.

2004-04-15T02:03:00.000-05:00

guys...be careful...all i gotta say.

anyway, things have been very up and down lately. for what reason? i have no idea. mood swings, i guess. i suppose a lot has to do with the fact that i'm (again) starting to reconsider a lot of things in regards to what i want to do with my life. and i guess some of it has to do with me questioning the solidness and genuinuity (is that a word?) of certain friendships that i have. gabe has injected me with this newfound hope that i could still either major or minor in chem with his whole college story. it was inspiring, really...and i really believe that i can. i think it would be a lot more impressive to have both a degree in psych and chem. j word.

at least i've finally made up my mind about summer. coming back for spring break definitely made me want to reconsider staying the whole summer and at least spending some time at home. but after easter weekend, i remembered why i wanted to stay in the first place. so that's where it'll stand. all that's left is deciding what classes i want to take. the only parts that will suck will be the fact that i won't be able to chill with my homefries all the time whenever i wanted to, getting paid at least a decent amount if i worked, driving/modding my car/doing eurotek stuff, and spending time with my sis.

if i could give you any advice, young one, (if you're reading) it would be to just take everything in stride and if the little things start to bother you, seriously...it's better to just ignore it. otherwise, it'll just keep bothering you, even if nothing happens. i hope you are following what i'm talking about...if you don't, it's what we were talking about during easter break. trust me, i've been there too. just don't snap too easily 'cause that won't get you anywhere. i can imagine a lot of things are going to start changing for you...considering the two biggest people i presume in your friendship life are moving away. which has got to suck...i know. 'cause i mean they aren't there for you to go to like they used to be...and phone conversations just aren't the same sometimes. but yano...if you ever need to talk or anything...--nudge--. you know who to call.

in a way, i'm glad that meeting we had for the house was mandatory. it forced me to go over there and really get a feel for what it was like to be back. some things that were said really triggered some sour feelings again, but i expected that i guess. financially, i still owe money. it was nice of ed to come and talk to me about all the stuff that has gone down. i really appreciate it. it shows that i really do have some good friends in the house. if you're reading, thanks a lot man...it really means a lot.

tonight was really good actually. i got to chill with diana for the first time in a long time...and it felt really good to catch up. i really missed chillin' with her. got to catch up on new things...talk about the good 'ol times...it was just awesome. on top of it all, the O.C. was on...lots of drama there too, but that's nothing new. kinda felt myself saying "well, it isn't too much better over here in chambana"...it's just a lot warmer and chill over in newport. maybe they should make a show about chambana. or maybe it would bomb 'cause chambana sucks. anyway...afterwards i went over to the union...stopped by the quad battle to see how everything was going...then proceeded to write my microtheme for ethics. made me think really...like about the whole organ availability and how people don't even know how to really evaluate whether or not certain people should get it at whatever time. kinda scary. that's not to say that they don't have ideas, 'cause they do...but there really isn't anything concrete yet...just whatever approach you want to take, you take...and every one is met with some sort of controversy. good stuff...that ethics.

so the fam is coming down for mom's weekend. don't know exactly what to do with them. the house is having that whole food thing...which is tolerant up to a point...don't really want to stick around for the whole thing 'cause it's just stupid. i suppose the cliche eating...walk around...mall...more eating routine is appropriate. maybe if fiddler isn't playing too late, we can go there. i'm actually hoping that nikki's parents come down too 'cause then they can actually interact more and finally meet my mom. woot.

wow, it's really late...and i know if i were at home, my 'rents would be yelling at me to sleep. hell, if they were online they'd probably be doing the same right now. oOo...look how rebellious i am.

but anyway, nikki has a radio show at 7am...so if i don't sleep now...i'll miss it. so g'night!

2004-04-08T19:22:00.000-05:00

PSA formal! awesome. simply awesome. nikki ended up winning a fish! woot! 'cause we're weird like that...we named it giraffe. haha. all the performances were really cool. life is a myyyystery...hahaha. even though i was never really that close to any of the seniors, it was really sad to know that they would be leaving after this year. i couldn't help but think that in two years, that would be me. sigh. so it sucks...everyone and their mom seems to be living in urbana next year...and i'm all like champaign-ed. i went with nikki to help her check out some apartments and i was like damn, i want this one. i want that one. i don't think i'd really mind living alone...basically am now. but i just feel...isolated. luckily pam, rodell, josh, and chris are living in my neck of the woods, so we can all make the journey together. or MAYBE they'll come over here. ahem. haha. hmm...what else has been going on. ah! so the past 2 days have been AMAZING out. lots of quad101-ing haha. it just felt good to be outside again...i think everyone was just happy. okay, i really never watch American Idol, but 'cause of 33 and erwin, i've been tuning in lately. so, last week they sang some Elton John songs and it was VERY clear that certain people (like the hobbit and the red man) were a LOT worse than Jasmine and Camille (the Filipino girls). anyway, so this week rolls around...we are all like fhew...camille is safe...then bam! they turn out to be in the bottom two! and we're all like double you tee eff?! so, in the end, camille gets bounced. i was definitely pissed 'cause unless america is completely retarded, there were clearly worse performers. sigh. even Paula was pissed. shoot. anyway, so steph and thara jumped on the fish bandwagon and bought some cool ones. i ended up buying another one just 'cause i didn't want giraffe to be lonely anymore...and then upgraded to a tank w/cool stuff, haha. i just hope they get along. so i haven't be out in a LONG ass time. definitely a good thing...saving a lot of money that i would've spent on self-destruction, yano. i guess i just haven't had the urge. wow, this blog is all over the place. anyway, so i was walking back to my place today, and over by pizza magia there was this free pizza/drinks thing...so naturally, i was like heeeeey awesome. then the guy was like just fill this out and grab whatever. cool. so as i'm looking at it i'm like whoa...credit card application...no thanks. tricky gimmick. amazing how the power of hunger can virtually make you sign away anything. luckily, i wasn't THAT hungry. gotta build my credit sometime soon though. hmm. ooh, so my uncle john says my computer is working...yay! it's just that you can't see anything 'cause the screen is messed. boo! one step at a time i suppose. anyway, i'm being boring and i forgot what sort of random, funny observational humor i was going to throw at you so....until next time! "one".

2004-03-31T21:53:00.000-06:00

fhew...thank God that anthro paper is done. baby, thank you so much for helping me edit...you are my SAVIOR!! i went to one of the lecture things for anthro yesterday and, to tell you the truth, i was really...appalled. the same people guest lectured today in class, but i guess it was a lot more "toned down" and pleasant...a lot of people really enjoyed it. sucks for me 'cause i zoned it out 'cause i expected it to be a reiteration of all that was said the day before. my loss. anyway, maybe it was just 'cause i didn't feel so oppressed growing up...but they were saying how filipinos are just as, if not more, persecuted nowadays versus the Great Depression/turn of the century hooda. i was like...what? first of all, back in the day filipinos were physically brutalized, subjugated to agricultural jobs, and scammed...just incredibly mistreated and discriminated against ALL THE TIME. now i'm not saying that we don't ever get any mistreatment 'cause hey...racial profiling and ridicule...but c'mon...how is that worse than getting the whoop kicked out of you? oh, it's not. there are times where i have felt that i didn't belong, but it really was only a phase...it wasn't like "oh man white suppression and racism". no way. they were saying how filipinos in a room of filipinos are constantly under scrutiny about what KIND of filipino they were ("real" filipino, filipino-american, etc.) and i was like...um, okay...well i understand that identity is very situation-based, but c'mon...who wastes their time picking apart everyone being like oh hey...look at that filipino-american...he's so western and blah blah. don't get me wrong, they did make some very valid points...just things like that made me go like okay...maybe you were very traumatized by something in your youth, but i think in my suburban bubble i was very clear from this injustice. wow. long rant. ANYWAY...
formal is coming up! and i am le excited. and le stupid for not bringing ze car...considering i could've prolly just brought it home over easter. d'oh. oh well. i think i've really found a niche in PSA...i'm honestly really happy when i'm around my friends...and i could just be the little creepjob...i mean...goofball that i am. ooof. Topic. So OC was on tonight...pretty good episode, as always. kinda brought some thoughts into my head. story? alright cool. so marissa runs away 'cause of all the drama back at home and goes to chino (where ryan is from). she ends up at his ex gf's place...a place that only he knows where to find her. anyway, so his ex and this guy are having their engagement party that day and there is all this drama 'cause the guy thinks ryan is there for teresa...but really he's just there for marissa. point is, by the end, everyone is cool with everybody...everyone realizes what the present is and takes it for what it is. i wish that was the case for my life. like i am supremely happy with nikki...like talagang supremely happy wow. it's after watching that show that i'm like...i wish that with whatever michelle was doing, we could ALL be really cool with each other...just accepting in where we were...where we are all friends and all really happy. maybe one day.
i'm really not sure how summer is going to work out...should i go home the first session? should i stay? i have no idea. definitely staying for the second. speaking of work out...that would be something i haven't done in forever...double u tee eff. i'll start soon...hopefully. anyway, i think i'm gonna try and work on a lil' drawing for a special someone before formal...not that it's a secret anymore, but still...haha.

2004-03-29T13:30:00.000-06:00

..spring break.

howdy! i'm a cowboy. anyway, so spring break flew by. i was tempted to update during break, but my computer at home is just about as incompetent as the one i have at school. what a sham. i had the house all to myself since the 'rents and the sibling went to cabo, mexico for some good times...which was fine with me. totally just got a chance to chill and shoot the shit. it was nice to chill with people from school...it felt really good. it wasn't that whole "baaaaaa i'm sick of you 'cause i see you everyday" sort of thing...it was more like the "wow, this is so cool i get to chill with you guys at home 'cause we are all getting really tight" feeling. had people over a couple times during the week...which was really nice. had a lil' movie night with erwin, bridget, and rex. after the italian job we had the brilliant idea to watch some scary movies like...the EXORCIST. i screamed louder and longer than bridget and erwin combined at this one part 'cause that scene wasn't in the original version. so...scary. i was definitely a huge wuss the rest of the...um...morning. allllll-nighter! haha. there was a lot of mall action going on...definitely went to A mall for the first 4 days...and definitely a lot of money was spent. A lot of driving (not that i'm complaining 'cause i got to see nikki...yay!). chinatown was really nice...good food...good times. got to see my ading's place too...damn it makes me just wanna live in the city. it was really nice to just be there...i just drove around...walked around michigan avenue for awhile to just enjoy the day. put the top down so i could just look straight up and see the gynormous buildings everywhere. i joined nikki and some of her friends at the shedd on saturday...definitely was a GREAT time. baby, you're so cute! you guys all have to see the sea otter video, lol. i went back to "708" and played a lil' Clue FX...which is AMAZING...let me tell you...even though i lost (i'll get you back). muhaha. so the illini lost. boo on duke. boo on foul trouble. just...boo. maybe if we had a competent center then everything would've worked out differently.

2004-03-18T02:53:00.000-06:00

who loves the popo?

okay, i had the sudden impulse to write something creatively, but it's gone now...

i really have to try and do that shiz again...considering for anthro we're doing spoken word. oh shit. but anyway, so serenades was a bit hit. only the KDs didn't give us a standing o...but that's okay. apparently we got football block with DGs...holla! it was weird this time around...again...but this time for different reasons. i found myself thinking that i don't know many people in sororities. granted, the people i DO actually know are AWESOME. reasons? one. i don't go to any exchanges really. two. if i do go, i'm just a loner. so i guess i really shouldn't be pissed about it 'cause i'm too shy to open my mouth. i guess it's never really my intention to meet girls at a bar anyway...i've never found that to be good. so why am i really whining? 'cause i can, bitch! i dunno...just kinda makes me go...what is this all for? anyway, i dunno what it was tonight, but i found myself getting bothered by a lot of stuff that used to bother me a lot. and i hated it...but as much as i hated it, i couldn't help but feel it and overanalyze every little thing about it. go figure. psych major. but it was almost more than that. like that whole thing triggered this bigger overanalyzation of every part of my life. greek life for me now is almost becoming this "thing i do one job for and leave"...and in some respects, i feel it already being taken away from me. what then? what do i have to offer? seemingly nothing. i am then useless. i don't use it to meet people...if i don't do serenades next year, i won't have an office...what then? family life is always interesting. when my fam comes down, it's always such a nice surprise...i never want them to leave...i always want to just chill with them forever. it's like that feeling right before you know you have to go back to school and you don't want to (granted there are times where i'm just like get me the fuck out). but then, there are times where i find it hard to sustain even a normal conversation. especially with the lil' sis. i feel like if we don't see each other in person, our relationship is so diluted. and that sucks 'cause i genuinely want to build on that. with my dad, sometimes i can talk to him about anything...and other times i'm so paranoid to say anything 'cause it'll turn into a lecture. i feel the same way about my mom, except she thinks i only talk to her when i want something...and then if we actually do talk, she just tells my dad and then he lectures me. zang. i'm really excited to take a little vaca to indy to visit my uncle john w/nikki and erwin sometime. if i could personify a consistent familial relationship where i could just say whatever is on my mind and be completely comfortable, that would be it. being "the bigger person". i'm holding out. but really, if that shit keeps happening, i really don't know how much longer i can...and that's really all i have to say about that. you know...when people say it's so much easier to be yourself? yeah, it's not. i mean, i suppose it would be when you actually know who you are, but when you don't...it's just a big guessing game. in the end, it's better than being fake...but it seems like one semester i think i know...and then the next i flip it 180 degrees and i'm like whoa what the fuck? old friends. isn't it a great feeling when they just IM you and you haven't even talked to them in the longest time? tonight, nao IMed me and i haven't talked to her in FOREVER...that instantly made me feel better. maybe this weekend before you and maritess have to go back to school (boo) we can finally chill. 2nd gen. hey yo. i can't speak tagalog. that sucks. i can understand it, but speaking/reading. shoot. it's over. how embarassing. but hey...i guess it's better than being...7th gen? i really wish i learned...seriously. 'cause right now i feel like i just pretend i'm cool. anyway, i know there is much more to blah about...but i shall blah more later on. as for now...i shall sleep.

2004-03-16T16:31:00.000-06:00

hiatus again! bah! well the stress is almost finally over...today is the last round of serenades and both fashion shows are in the book. speaking of...the AAA Illuminate show was most excellent. it was really too bad that i couldn't have been more involved in that show 'cause i think i would've really liked to be. it's hard to compare the two shows really...they were both really really good in their own respects...it was just...different. the afterset for PSA, though, was MUCH cheaper, lol. anyway, i'm just excited to head home for spring break. although i'm not really going anywhere...and not like my family will be home making me glorious filipino cuisines...it'll just be nice to just go home. after reading my uncle's blog, i'm starting to feel a lot better about the phase that i am going through with my friends. i can't see myself end up any other way than the way that he is...in that my true friends that i have in the future will be people that can fully accept my quirks either way...be it in either "life" i lead. eventually my life will merge into one...it'll just take time and i realize now that it's something i shouldn't occupy my life with (although the thought of it is important, i won't STRESS about it half as much as i have been) as everything will undoubtedly fall into place. isn't it crazy how fast we are all growing up? i really don't feel like i'm 19...i think i just turned 8. seriously...time just is flying by right now. i'm wondering whether i will still want to be serenade chair next semester. if i do, i think i'd need larson to help me out...and someone else to help us BOTH out...not to mention people actually just listening to us, rather than trying to inflict their own opinions into things that are already set. i think before that whole fiasco, the stress was close to none. but as goes life i suppose. i began to rethink what i really wanted to do this summer too...but it's so complicated. i was thinking about taking physics/lab and working at beckman...but the thing is, i think physics is both sessions...and i don't really want to stay for both anymore. but i suppose that'll have to be one of the sacrifices i would have to make...unless i just take other courses...like my psych stuff and save physics for the actual year. maybe i'll do that. it would be nice to have SOME sort of break. mark came to visit over the weekend and it was definitely a really good time. i know during the week i needed someone to talk to. we didn't necessarily talk about anything that serious when he was here, but it was just a good feeling to have one of my home fries come to chill...good times...it's friends like him that make me want to come home that first session. i feel like i need to get back into writing again...despite how depressing my writing usually is, it's theraputic. for those of you that haven't read any and are curious, it's linked in the "jumbled words/motto" graphic at the top of the page. oh...shameless plug. if you haven't joined quad 5 yet, and you go to U of I...do it! why? 'cause it's starting to get awesome with the more and more people that are starting to get involved in posting! basically it's an online college community where you and other students from your own, and other campuses can talk/interact and get the lowdown on campus...be it in recreation and/or school. so check it out...join...post...and have some fun! shameless plug done! anyway...what else is going on...hmm. finally got a chance to chill with diana last night...we caught some qdoba and talked for awhile. we'll have to hit up some buffalo at home and get back to our real world/corona night routine after break! sidenote: julie's car is pimp! haha, okay...i've officially run out of things to say. adieu!

2004-03-11T01:57:00.000-06:00

Props to Jill for the pic! Haha...but ferreal though...wasn't fashion show absolutely awesome! Although I did mess up in the beginning 'cause I was so nervous, it was still an awesome time...and the afterset at Tonic...WHEW! Lots of dancing...crazy bundles of fun. So I finally went over to the house after a long hiatus...pretty much out of the sheer obligation to my position of serenade chair. On the pledges "big night" I was planning on teaching a bit more, but since they weren't really able to learn, I went out with Brett and Ed to catch up for an hour. it really felt good. i really realized i did miss that part of me sometimes. i realized i couldn't just put that aside and ignore it forever. serenades turned out better than i thought. i was honestly freaking out about it...but apparently we were still one of the best. props! AAA fashion show is this friday...and while everyone else seems to have cleared a big chunk of their schedules out, i'm still here toiling away with serenades and AAA. whew. it'll all end by next wednesday. today we got into a really good discussion in anthro (led by the infamous ethyl) about how we handle ourselves in different contexts and whether we do preserve our sense of self/culture in every setting. to be completely honest, i have only recently become comfortable around the filipino crowd. a part of it was 'cause i was the sophomore that wasn't active my freshman year and everyone had that special bond already...especially with the older people, and i was really just too shy to do anything about that...and still am in a sense. but i've made some really great friends with my peers and the 07s and despite being intimidated, some older people as well. yeah, the scene was definitely intimidating for me...just something i wasn't used to, but glad i came into it. in greek life, though, i mean i am recognized as the asian...but really the only things i really preserve are 1. the way i look 2. my redness 3. dancing. the whole big sense of family is missing, although i do feel a close bond with some of them. so i do change depending on what setting i'm in...but i guess that makes me still feel tense and on edge sometimes just because of that. it's not necessarily anything pertaining to preserving your culture anymore, but it's moreso just about my personal experience and how i feel (i know it may have sounded like it was going elsewhere, lol...but tough!) anyway, despite all my insecurities and what not, i really appreciate the friends that i have made here...in both "worlds".

2004-03-05T15:48:00.000-06:00

yeah so...mixed feelings about a lot of things recently. like, i feel like i'm completely out of balance now between my "greek life" and my PSA life...leaning really hard towards my PSA life. i know a lot of it has to do with the whole michelle thing. like I didn't mind her being single and doing her own thing...but to hook up with someone in my own house hit me really hard. i can't say i don't miss her, although i know she doesn't miss me...even just as a friend. and i won't hide the fact that it sucks that she could never see us back together again. we are both happy in our own ways right now, but i guess from my perspective it just sucks that she doesn't see a future...maybe that's temporary, maybe not. i'm looking forward to seeing Rent in May w/her...but scared at the same time to see if we can actually be friends again. it's tough to lose one of your best friends...and the only girl you've loved...just like that. fashion show stuff is really stressing me out. like i can't wait for the show to actually happen, but damn...i am really tired all the time. i know despite the whole hiatus from the fraternity thing, i will need to show my face there again...despite the embarassment and hurt...for some serenades. i feel really shitty about not being able to do anything until like...2 days before the actual thing, but i really dunno what else i could do about that. it's going to be tough to see michelle again during serenades...as much as i want to say hi to her and talk, i know that's not going to happen. on the complete other side of the story, whenever i'm with nikki i feel so incredibly happy. i just keep thinking about how lucky i am to have met someone that i was able to click with so well, so fast, and on so many levels. it was definitely a very pleasant unexpected relationship. i really couldn't have asked for anything better. like i was originally thinking of being single for awhile...but i really was ready for a relationship. things are going awesome with that...i'm still the cool one of the two...but she's moving up quick, haha. she has made me realize i CAN wear hats sometimes...wow (so now I only look like a 14 year old boy instead of a 10 year old one). but always remember...wine is not made of cheese. write that down. that's another reason why i've swayed more towards the PSA crowd...not to mention feeling so much more like i belong there. i dunno why all of a sudden i feel like an outside in the house...i can't explain it. the michelle thing...the whole not drinking a lot anymore...a lot of things i guess. i guess i'm just going through one of my phases again. it's like i'm feeling tugged down by one side of my life to depression, but being so incredibly uplifted by the other. but when i'm alone here, since nikki went home...and basically the whole world is out getting wasted at unofficial, i have time to think about all the shit that is going on...and there's always a lot of it. is it that hard to just live one life? it always seems like it is for me. i think it's about time to consult my home fries. lots of ranting...just saying exactly what is on my mind...hopefully this all makes sense. oh btw...peace is dead. bring on the "a-okay", hang loose, the fox, and the shocker! muhahaha.

2004-02-23T17:48:00.000-06:00

oh c'mon...what a cop out blog was that? definitely was not "talagang awesome". pish. well i'll at least post something worthwhile...'cause yano...i'm better than you. anyway, so fashion show is creeping up on us all...well, i guess not so much creeping as it is rushing. or maybe not creeping at all. either way, i'm FREAKIN' out. on a good note, though, i think i've finally found that ideal balance between "fratty" life and um...i guess everything else? i dunno what to call it. although this whole balance thing leaves me to be a lot more of an outsider in the fraternity, it's something i think i have to do, but i do feel bad about doing it. but when i am there, it's awesome...i remember why i devoted so much of my time there last semester...and also why i can't do that this time around. i had to completely end things with michelle...i realized that a relationship with her is something i didn't want, even if i had grown ready for a relationship in general. i felt like an ass for doing it, but i know it wouldn't have ended up working out. serenades will be a bit awkward i'm sure 'cause her whole house prolly hates me, but i guess that's just something that comes with the territory. anyway. other than that huge thang, things have been looking up...as i jinx myself right now. awesome. single life is now a thing of the past...kevin, i pass the torch onto you, haha. and you know what? i'm so happy. we've both had our share of "be carefuls" and rumors and what not...but as long as we're straight up...we're all good. and yeah, it was really fast...but really...you think you know, but you have no idea. maybe one day nikki will be my sarcastic equal, but right now, i'm the cool one of the relationship. haha. no but ferreal...i feel really lucky...and i'm hoping things will work out...we just clicked so well. --sigh-- hopefully this won't turn into lucky number 6 hurt-ness...but why worry? anyway, time for practice and more practice.

2004-02-13T11:03:00.000-06:00

yeah, i really don't have any motivation to post...but since it's friday the 13th and all...(dun dun dun) i suppose i'll do a lil' diddy.

first of all, i'd just like to say congratulations evan! he is currently awaiting the birth of his child at the hospital...that's news to wake up to, lol. i definitely jumped up, haha. crazy! we'll definitely have our 06.5 toast to you. i'm glad everything is working out...good luck with everything!

practices for fashion show...man. there's a lot of 'em. but it's all good...it just makes me nervous 'cause the show is coming up so fast. so crazy how time flies. although, I would like to see the OC on wednesdays...

valentine's day is tomorrow, huh? man. that's crazy (i guess everything in this post is just CRAZY). D, i hope you have fun in iowa...alicia too, lol.

i suppose today will be an interesting day...just by virtue of the whole friday the 13th thing. not saying that some killah will come and wipe out the campus, but ya know. it's been quite the interesting day already...evan is having his baby...i made some awesome grilled cheese sandwiches at the d chi house early this morning...pam and i are going to talk...some girl mayer took back threw up on him...friday the 13th.

more to come later, haha.

okay, so much much later...
more weird things on the 13th...at AAA practice I went to buy some M&Ms...the bag gets stuck and I'm like wtf...but then it starts going again and TWO bags come out. Hizzah. Then in the D.I. it says "today is not a good day for travel...saturday or sunday is better"...and I didn't end up going home 'til saturday. Weird. Class got cancelled for EALC just 'cause they couldn't get the video to work...and ethics discussion got out really early after we revised our papers. how crazy of a day is that?

2004-02-08T16:05:00.000-06:00

why winter sucks...

coldness. seriously. what is this good for? besides refridgerating all of the deliciousness that is food, what good does it do? california seems to be doing fine without 0 degree weather.

snow. the waste products of coldness. and people PLAY in it. gross.

big poofy coats. sexy. fulfills my biggest fantasy of walking around campus and seeing different colored marshmellows walking around with backpacks. and if you DON'T wear one, you just end up walking around looking like you're a strapped in a strait jacket 'cause you can't take your hands out of your pockets 'cause it's too cold. awesome.

walking. well, not like people don't walk in warm weather, but they walk around like they are so sad...looking at the ground...thinking about sadness and cold and how poofy their coats are. sigh. plus getting places takes so much more effort...and time. everything seems 10 miles further in the winter.

hats. see, i really like hats. but the fact of the matter is, when i put one on, i magically transform into an eight year old boy. so therefore i suffer in the cold. hey, at least i still look 19.

sickness. although it never really gets hot enough to kill bacteria, heat does that. cold does not. so people are getting sick everywhere 'cause the jerk coldness wants us to. pish. (or maybe it's 'cause some people don't cover their mouths...sick)

the window seat syndrome. k, maybe this one only happens to me, but the rest of my room is pretty nice and toasty...a pleasantly california 76 degrees. hizzah. but sitting in front of this computer, i feel like i should be an eskimo 'cause of this ridonkulous window. nice view and all, but ridonkulously cold.

obligatory running nose/teary eyes. mmhmm. annoying. as if walking to class was bad enough in this weather, you have to look like you just came from a funeral or something.

ice. just when you think nature is giving you a break, melting all the snow away...bam! it freezes on you. how 'bout them apples? that's even worse to walk to class on. all within a month of PSA fashion show. must...walk...carefully.

driving. not that i have a car here, although now it is more necessary than ever, driving in winter is kinda like driving in summer...except your car is on skis...and your car can't ski. shame.

the days are about as long as my...pinky finger. really self-explanatory...but seriously, we go to class in complete darkness, only to get out 50 minutes later to find out it's already nighttime. nuff said.

ethnicity. yeah, for all you folks that have some family roots in cold country...maybe winter is your thing. maybe it's so good it makes you just wanna run around naked all day. yeah...um...not so much for me. we filipinos are right around the equator...our bodies are going, "sssst...what the puck are you doing so par away?"

long underwear. look, i'm sure it's really warm and all, but just look at yourself. okay, maybe i'm jealous. but...probably not.

2004-02-06T19:14:00.000-06:00

bam!

again with the long hiatus between updates. sorry. i've pretty much said to hell with my laptop, since it breaks practically every week...so now i've got this old school desktop here. holla. at least the keyboard/mouse/speakers are cool, lol. anyway, so I'm front and center for the AAA nightlife dance (can't stop, won't stop)...which means I gotta be on point like crazy! doesn't help with am trying to grab your ass while you're doing a run-through...ahem! but I actually really like being in front...gives me motivation to keep doing everything full out and what not. so finally diana, alicia, and I went to cly on the infamous corona night...definitely a great time...definitely got a bit too "good". sara lee n' her girls were there too...holla! wow, i really have to stop saying that. anyway, you know what's weird? i've seen more people wipe out SOBER walking to class than walking home from the bars...how crazy is that? tonight I think i'll just end up chillin' 'cause tomorrow is p.a.c.k.e.d. the usual PSA practices from like 11:45 to whenever...kappa crush party...pi phi crush party...AAA afterset...oh man. but yeah, i'm rapidly running out of things to say...and my sense of humor hasn't been here for a couple weeks now, so i'll come back when i've got something for you. maybe tonight. maybe never. laaaaaterrr.

2004-02-01T17:52:00.000-06:00

well...just lost a blog 'cause my computer SUCKS. anyway...

so last night was so much fun at 33...playin' mind games...making me look absolutely stupid, etc. etc. just shootin' the breeze 'til 7 in the morning was awesome...then getting a lil' McD's breakfast. priceless. maglalatik was absolutely amazing at Culture Shock! it was so much fun and the crowd was into it so much more than I had originally expected...and I was soooo nervous. i'll have to link the video for y'all. aside from all that brimming goodness, though, is the fact that michelle is so pissed at me right now, and I know it's justified. pam told michelle about new years and everything...and really, it was my responsibility to do so since she wants to know about everything...and I didn't tell her everything. I guess a part of me was just scared to...but look where that has gotten me...I'm in deeper shit than if I would've just said something in the beginning. so she definitely isn't talking to me today...which I understand, but I don't think I've felt this horrible in a long time. we've both gone back and forth through all this drama and i think we've both been in a lot of pain...and here we are. fuck, i'm so mad at myself right now. nobody has ever had the effect that you have had on me...and I just fucked everything up. how awesome is that? i mean it's really not only that...my computer sucks so much balls it's unbelievable. do you know how frustrating it is for the thing to start breaking again only a WEEK after fixing it? pam and I really aren't talking...it's been weird for a couple weeks ever since Clybourne...quite the shitty night that was. and like I want to talk it out, but every time I've started to try, seems like you're busy. so really, you say the problem isn't with me and there's all this drama going around...but yet you still are the one avoiding me. what's the deal? really, if we are as good of friends as I thought we were, I would think you'd take some sort of initiative here. but then again, when jason was mad at you, it was a good month before you even questioned it. i dunno about you, but it doesn't feel GOOD to not talk...I mean I hate going to PSA practice knowing that I'm going to see if you even try to talk, and then by the end of it, there's absolutely nothing. apparently my aunt got robbed back at home...while she was across the street at church. what the fuck. what is wrong with this world? the roomie situation is still, eh...they actually asked if I wanted to order something the other day, so that was awesome...but I still feel like they have their own lil' apartment and I have mine. sucks. my home fries are having their own sets of drama issues too man and it frustrates me to hear about it...'cause I know how it is. we need a break yo. lets arrange a date where we can just meet up and shoot the breeze...watch our spanish videos...hit up the spot n' the castle and just chill and laugh about nothing. but yeah, another depressing update. sorry...but just seems like the trend of my life lately. peace homies.

2004-01-28T12:51:00.000-06:00

i'm funny.

see?

haha, okay I promise to have something a little more substantial later after the O.C...just thought that pic was hilarious.
oh, couple new updates to the new page...

quad 5

my writings linked to "my motto" pic above...DL them and tell me what you think! :)

okay...well now it's almost 7pm...just got back from my anthro filipino class and a lil' dinner. I must say, the class is already a lot more than I expected...in a good way. I like the fact that he assigns stuff to read, but a lot of what we actually do in class is just formulating our own thoughts and discussing them with all the other people. It's like an open forum for people to say whatever they want, which is cool (although the grad students intimidate the fug out of me). Plus, we apparently watch movies all the time...and if they are all as eye opening as the one we saw today, I think this will be quite the awesome semester. I wish I could put into words how much the video made you think. Especially from our Filipino-American standpoints. Really, we have no first-hand attachment to our history, and by the reaction on all our faces when we were exposed to the brutal reality was enough justification for that point. I have never been seriously affected by asian, let alone specifically filipino oppression all my life. So to see to what extent my people were reduced to...it was mind-boggling. It made me just want to be alone. It was a pretty scary reality. It's weird to think of how much we as filipinos have changed in 100 years. It's really shocking. I'll have to find out what the video was called...definitely old school, but trust me, a must see. I mean although it was a pretty big downer as a whole, it really made me think about who I am and who filipinos in general are/were. So overall, the class is awesome. Actually, what is really great is the fact that he really lets us be creative. I think for our group project we are going to do some spoken word...and my creative, poetic juices are flowing...lets see where this goes. More to come later, I'm sure.

2004-01-26T17:57:00.000-06:00

Bam! Bazooka Joe!

Okay, so no new writings to abruptly bring an end to your blissful day...one because I'm just way to popular lately to even think about writing that stuff...and two, my computer is just about as functional as a piece of shit and has been broken lately. The jury greatly favors the latter as an acceptable reason. Damn! Anyway, so I actually went out last night...imagine that. Haven't been out since the day from hell (a.k.a last Sunday a.k.a. I might as well been in a teenage sitcom there was so much coincidental drama). But it [last night] was actually pretty good. Relatively drama-free...and that's the way I like it. Mmhmm mmhmm. So I was working out the other day at Bromley...put my ID in the ID thang (appropriately under the "M"s) where there was another ID...guy looked nothing like me, but was cool enough to have an "M" last name. As the story goes, I'm done working out, and come to discover that the douchebag took MY ID instead of his. Do you not look at the ID before you take it? Are you THAT big of a meathead and/or biggest fucking idiot in the world? But I gave my contact info to all the right people and hopefully it turns up. Don't really feel like spending $20 on a new one because of that. Pish. You KNOW. K, so who hates Oliver on the O.C? 'Cause he has, by far, the coolest hair you can naturally wake up with in the morning. Kinda looks like a rich, psycho troll. But D says he's cuter than Ryan, so maybe I just don't like his O.C. character. Bam! Bazooka Joe! I heart you Real World! What a show...honestly. I mean yeah, I can see how people can bitch about it not being real...but really, you have to look past the crazy awesome house, group job, new car, and the usual suspect cast and look at the better parts about the show. What is more real than drama? Seriously, it's everywhere and it's genius to make a show about it. (Which is why I think I'd be a great castmate on a future season...ahem). But really, there's always a token asian...a token black guy...a token meathead...a token weird person/girl with big boobs...a castmate you NEVER see...and then two "normal" people thrown into the mix. I would LOVE to be the girl with big boobs...I mean, the token asian. Geez, the Freudian slips today. Geez. Done!